For Victims of Sexual Violence

While you're busy exercising your face, here's something else to smile about today: A great healing opportunity for victims of sexual violence.

You all remember my interview with rape and PTSD survivor, Kellie Greene, right? Well, I recently received an email about her advocacy group, Speaking Out About Rape (SOAR) .... I thought it might interest those of you who are dealing with the aftermath of sexual violence.

Hi Everyone,

SOAR® would like to extend an invitation to you for the upcoming SOAR SPA® (Something Positive Afterward®) retreat in Orlando, April 22 - 26, 2009.

SOAR SPA is a retreat for survivors of sexual violence designed to enhance the healing process by rejuvenating the mind, body, and spirit.

The program was featured in the April 2007 issue of SELF Magazine.

We hope you'll join us!

Blue skies,
Kellie Greene, Founder/Director
Speaking Out About Rape, Inc. (SOAR)
817-A Virginia Drive Orlando, FL 32803
407-898-0693
www.soar99.org


To view SOARSPA info click here.

Healing PTSD: Exercise Your Face

When was the last time you smiled? No, I mean really, really SMILED. Not the fake smile we plaster on so people don’t ask what’s wrong or believe the lies we tell that we’re ‘just fine’, but I mean a smile that was involuntary. When was the last time you couldn’t help it, your face just curved up of its own accord?

Can’t remember? I’ll be honest, in my PTSD days, neither could I. There were too many years when I only half smiled, or when I put on such a ridiculously big fake smile I don’t know how my cheekbones stood the test. We have pictures of me where the smile is so forced I look like I’m snarling. Come to think of it, I was snarling!

But it would have been so much better for me to practice a natural smile. According to research in this NYT article, A Feel Good Theory: A Smile Affects Mood, "putting on a sad face or a smile directly produces the feelings that the expressions represent...." In fact, the article goes on to explain that while facial expressions are not more important than thoughts in affecting emotions, "the physiology of facial expression [can be] a cause of emotions in its own right."

The bottom line: A smile can effectively induce the feeling it portrays – one of wellness, amusement, connectedness.

Think you’ve forgotten how to smile that way? Think it isn’t possible, that you no longer have the smile gene, have lost the muscle, wouldn’t remember how?

Well, my friends, think again! Your smile, just like your true, untraumatized self, lurks in the shadows of your mind. Today, let’s woo it out into the open.

A recent article, Smiles Are Innate, Not Learned, states that "… full-blown smiles … are hard-wired into our genes." The recent study suggests we contain "an innate ability to express certain emotions with gestures and facial expressions." Sorry, guys, you can’t escape DNA. Smiling is programmed into you.


If you need more of a concrete reason to smile, how about the fact that smiling actually has several emotional and physical health benefits.

(If you still feel a little rusty and need some advice to get going, read up on this How To Smile article. It’s so silly (including the advice to ‘Practice good hygiene’) it’s sure to, er, make you smile.)

But seriously: Practice smiling today.

You can do this alone. Smile at yourself in the mirror, or just walk around the house/town/city letting yourself grin. Think of something that makes you want to smile and let your muscles do the rest of the work.

You can do this to family and friends. Take everyone by surprise by bestowing upon them a genuine, loving smile. The people around you are living with your PTSD, too. Today, give them a break and let them see the real you for a moment.

Don’t want to smile at yourself or your loved ones? No sweat. Take your smile for a test drive with a total stranger -- although I wouldn’t suggest doing this on the subway in a major city! The most bizarre thing for me to get used to when I left Manhattan and moved to Florida is the crazy amount of smiling at strangers that goes on when you cross the Mason Dixon line. It seems in the South it’s taken for granted that smiling at a stranger is not only acceptable, it’s expected. In the spirit of this today, smile at someone who doesn’t know you. Let the real you shine through in a moment in which you won’t be held accountable.

Go on. Smile. Right now.

Think of who you would be and how much you would smile without PTSD.

Try it. I dare you.

(photo: jeridaking, Radicalwacko, Nathan Gibbs, Leah, Piouprod, Debra Peters)

Healing PTSD, Resolution #1: 4 Ways to Boost Belief in Your Ability to Heal

1 – Believe in the power of your own mind. Get hip to the idea of quantum physics and its ability to support healing. I know, I know, QM sounds freaky, but it’s really an everyday occurrence and we lay people ought to know how (and that) it works. On the most simple level, I’m talking about using the power of your own mind to boost your belief in your ability to heal. Quantum physics is a branch of science that deals with discrete units of energy (like, say, your thoughts) and how those tiny units of energy can effect big things. This article from Kirsten Harrell explains this idea and how it relates to the power of intention.

2 – Take some time to think about your ability to heal. Check out this ‘Believe You Will Succeed’ exercise by Nick Best. My discovery of his process began with an article he wrote called ‘Developing Self-Belief – The 10 Step Process’, which I thought laid out a great foundation for the development of belief in anything we hope to achieve, including PTSD healing. But then I read on and found that Best had actually devised a more deep and expanded process for getting down to our core beliefs and reinforcing them. Take some time to work it through as a way to bolster your healing intention!

3 – Get familiar with the fact that people self-recover from mental illness every day. It’s time to do some reading! And time to admit you are not unique, special or terminally chained to PTSD. The National Empowerment Center has tons of information and resources for healing mental illness -- not treating, but HEALING. As in, it can be done! Recovery, Inc. also offers a program and mindset that believes in the power of us to heal ourselves. Both organizations have good reading material as well as local options to support your healing adventure. On both sites you will find proof that regular people – that would include you – recover from serious mental illness all the time. Their secret? They choose to, and then they make the effort!

4 – Get a sense of humor. We have more strength to believe in the possibilities of what we can achieve when we’re happy, when we laugh, when we are amused. Staying stuck in our depression only further supports our belief that we cannot heal – a belief that is false. In order to support and enhance the belief that you can heal, you’ll have to actively take some time to lighten up your perspective. As you’ll see in this clip, ‘Medical Benefits of Laughter’ only 15 minutes of laughter a day can positively affect your physical body, which in turn affects your mental self, power and strength. Think I’m kidding about this? There is actually a model of therapy called ‘Laughter Therapy’ as you’ll see demonstrated in this clip. (It’s crazy enough to make you giggle just watching it.) But seriously, start to look for things to make you laugh. Watch a funny movie. Listen to a side-splitting comedian. Get into the habit of reconnecting to that self that thinks there is humor in the world; it’s also that self that contains hope, resilience and the ability to heal PTSD.

(photo: Steve Grunberger)

Children & PTSD, Part 2: What's the Best Treatment?

Today, Part 2 of my Children & PTSD interview with William Krill...

When should a parent consider getting treatment for a child who exhibits PTSD symptoms?

I think with children it is important to have a professional do an initial assessment and keep tabs on them for say, six months after a known traumatic event. I would educate the parent on what to watch for, and if symptoms reach the criteria for the diagnosis, begin to treat. But if a child does not develop Acute Stress signs within a few weeks after the trauma, it’s not too likely that full blown PTSD will develop. If the child clearly has Acute Stress, the sooner the treatment the better.

What treatments are available for children?

Most treatments for children are based on the treatment modalities for adults with PTSD. Early in my work with PTSD children, I tried using these methods, and tried to modify them the best I could to use them with children. I became quite frustrated because the methods were awkward when used with children, and with very young children, where insight and mature understandings of the trauma facts are used in adult treatment, children clearly did not have these capabilities.

In addition, one of the usual methods for adults, that of multiple detailed reviews of the trauma until the person becomes desensitized to the facts, was just far too brutal for a child. The ‘flooding’ method was developed for soldiers with PTSD…people who presumably had a very strong ego before their trauma. For a child who may have been abused his whole life and thus has a very damaged ego, repeating the details of the trauma over and over is just ridiculous.

I started to study PTSD in children and have been developing my own Gentling process for about twelve years. During the past six years or so, I have taught the method to many foster parents and other treatment professionals, and they have all had good success with it, where other approaches have not helped the child to make progress.

What I have developed with Gentling makes use of general cognitive-behavioral techniques, but with the addition of some very specific techniques and a loose structure course of treatment. Basically, Gentling 1) strives to help the child feel safe in all environments, 2) sensitizes him to his own symptoms (since he has lived with them his whole life, he does not recognize them as disordered), 3) educates him on how PTSD works in his body and mind, 4) teaches him how to interrupt his own stress episodes to be more comfortable, and finally, 5) helps him to become less reactive to cues and triggers. This is all done at the pace the child dictates, and all work is done with an exceedingly gentle approach.


How should a parent prepare to understand, treat and heal PTSD in her child?

Getting parents or foster parents on board the treatment plan is very important. I spend a great deal of time educating adults around the child (including teachers, extended family members, fellow professionals, even judges) in first fully understanding how PTSD works in children, and then in the Gentling techniques of healing.


One final question: Why do you choose to work with children?

I don’t fully understand my passion for helping abused children to heal, but it might be summed up by one little boy I treated. He had been beaten and thrown in a closet by his stepfather (who knew the boy was frightened of the dark), then the stepfather screwed the door shut. His mother found him hours later, when she came home from work. He was terrorized, and he had torn all of his fingernails off in trying to get the door open. After he related this story to me, he hugged me and said: “When I talk to you Mr. Bill, the hurt goes away.”

For more information on William Krill, or to view his really excellent resources, parenting articles and PTSD information, visit his site.

(photo: TiZi042)

Healing PTSD, Resolution #1: How To Build Self-Belief

On the worst day of my traumatic illness I felt myself dying – and I was happy about it. I no longer wanted to fight against what was happening to me, I no longer believed I would or could win; I no longer had the strength to rise up and resist the powerful flow of horrific events that were rendering me powerless.

And then I did, because my mother demanded that I try. She did not accept my non-belief in myself. She did not accept that I would let myself be carried away on a tide to non-being. She challenged me to believe in myself and in response to her unrelenting belief, I developed my own; some Superself in me rose up against what was happening and I survived.

And then I spent the next 25 years believing that that moment of surviving defined me. Believing that moment with my mother engaged some powerful self I never could engage (much less daily live as powerful as) again. I was so unconfident in myself that I constantly devised little tests to see if I could reach that extreme state of strength again. You can imagine what a sick way to live this became.

So, when it came time to heal PTSD I wasn’t exactly a candidate who was so grounded in her own self-belief that healing was a sure and easy path. I had to develop my belief. I had to find ways to increase it little by little. One thing that really helped me was to develop a new perspective about myself in my trauma. For example, instead of seeing that Superself as an aberration of me, I saw her as a part of me. I began to think of her as this dormant force I carried in me to be called upon and used whenever I really needed her.

Also, I began to see my ability to survive (and carry on and achieve a higher education, a career, etc.) as a strength. All of those PTSD years I felt like I was just coping, but I was also getting an MFA, carving out a career in New York City and managing to keep my PTSD insanity just controlled enough so that I continued to function (albeit not always well, and not always up to the pace, speed and standards of the rest of the world).

The point is, in order to heal we need to believe in ourselves and our own strength. Because trauma and PTSD rob us of good feelings about ourselves and our own power, it is necessary to proactively build back self-belief. Here’s an exercise designed to do just that:

1. Make a list of things you have done since your trauma. What have you achieved? Really think about this – and think outside the box. Careers and money are not the only achievements that matter. Perhaps you’ve raised a family, or taken care of an elderly parent. Maybe you’ve just held yourself together and averted a complete psychotic meltdown – that counts! Maybe you’ve coped with PTSD and still found time to volunteer somewhere. I don’t care what you put on the list. I do care that you make a list. Take some time to make a timeline. Begin with the date of your trauma and go until today. List everything you've ever achieved. For example, my timeline would look like this:

1981 Survive trauma
1986 Graduate high school
1990 Graduate college; land first job
1994 First stageplay produced
1998 Enter trauma therapy
2000 Launch new career

2001 Publish first trauma poem
2004 Graduate graduate school
2005 Relocate to Florida; receive PTSD diagnosis
2007 Heal PTSD


2. Stop to think about the strength you can already see you possess. What does your timeline look like? We are all so busy coping we forget to appreciate what we’re doing while we’re coping. We hold jobs, kick addictions, seek help and never stop to think about the strength it took to do any of that. But we should! Every small thing we do, whether it’s getting out of bed, finding a therapist or closing the deal of the century, is a measure of the strength we have. And where there is a little bit, there is a whole reserve that can be tapped. Look at your timeline; next to each achievement write down the positive traits and characteristics it represents. For example, mine would look like this:

1981 Survive trauma -

will to live, strength, courage, ability to transcend

1986 Graduate high school -

ability to focus & follow through

1990 Graduate college; land first job -

ability to achieve, desirable job candidate

1994 First stageplay produced -

creative, team player

1998 Enter trauma therapy -

realistic, brave, hopeful

2000 Launch new career -

resilient, daring, curious

2001 Publish first trauma poem -

accessing quiet voice, ability to speak out, unnumbing emotion

2004 Graduate graduate school -

multi-tasker, self-developing, stretching beyond comfort zone

2005 Relocate to Florida; receive PTSD diagnosis -

seek new experiences, good at life overhaul

2007 Heal PTSD -

work hard although frightened, push through

Look at the good traits I’ve had over the years! But guess what? I never saw myself that way. I saw myself as psychotic, depressed, unable to be happy or live like those around me. I saw myself as damaged beyond repair and in a perpetually necessary cycle of having to repeatedly test myself to see if I would be (both physically and emotionally) ready to survive again.

Beginning my path to healing made me recognize that I could not be well if I did not believe in me and the power of my own self. You need to do that, too. After surviving a trauma we are so stunned and paralyzed we don’t realize the immense STRENGTH it took to survive, which means we are innately strong – strong enough to do anything. Strong enough to heal. In fact, healing may take longer than the trauma, but it will so much easier than what we originally survived. It will require more work but will transform us into better people in the exactly inverse proportion that trauma transformed us into less.

Make your timeline today. Start to appreciate who you are beneath the veneer of PTSD. You are a survivor. You are a force. Use that to your healing advantage. Use it to believe in yourself and your ability to heal.

(photo: jimmiehomeschoolmom)

Children & PTSD, Part 1: Who's At Risk?

As we begin this new year tackling our grown up PTSD problems, let’s not forget the little people! Since my experience with PTSD began on the cusp of adolescence (and went undiagnosed until over 25 years later), I don’t pay much attention to the ways in which children suffer from PTSD. But I’ve been thinking about them lately, those little people who seem resilient but are often as affected by trauma as adults. My friend, Maria, for example, has a son, Ian, who is now 6 years old. A year ago Ian suffered from the same illness I did. Today, he’s experiencing the same PTSD symptoms as the rest of us and Maria is doing a really terrific job finding and getting Ian the help he immediately needs so he does not spend years lost in the PTSD maze.

Watching her tireless and inspiring advocacy for her child got me thinking: What is specific to children with PTSD? Which made me think of this Licensed Professional Counselor I’m acquainted with, William Krill. I first discovered him in one of the online PTSD support groups I’m in; his voice was the sagest, wisest, most educated in the group. You’ll see why when you read our interview below.

Krill has been kind enough to shed some light on the topic of children and PTSD. The cool thing about his interview is that it’s so educational. Even for those of us who don’t have this situation in our lives, maybe we will one day. Or, maybe we’ll meet someone for whom the info we pass along will be critical. And if that doesn’t happen, we can spread the word that children need special attention after crises because they can develop very adult psychological complications.

My interview with Krill breaks down into two parts, the first defining the problem, the second exploring the solution.

Today we’ll tackle Part One, Children & PTSD – Who’s at Risk?:

Define the age category 'child' encompasses.

Generally, children are considered under the age of thirteen. It’s not uncommon for emotional development to be halted at the age of the first trauma. Interpersonal trauma treatment (i.e. PTSD) does need to be tailored not only to the age of the survivor, but also tailored to the individual. Adult treatment approaches do not work with children. Unfortunately, there is not a lot of material out there for survivors of interpersonal trauma in general, let alone materials specific to age. I’m currently working on a book outlining the treatment approach I have developed for working with children. It’s called Gentling: A Clinician’s Guide to Treating PTSD in Abused Children.

What types of situations induce PTSD in children?

Just about any situation can create PTSD, from natural disasters to direct physical and sexual abuse to neglect. In addition, there is research to show that children can develop PTSD in domestic abuse situations where they witness their mother (or other close relative) suffering abuse. We don’t yet fully understand why some individuals develop PTSD while others do not, even though they have experienced the same level of trauma. Recent research indicates that there may be a difference in people’s brain chemistry that accounts for a pre-disposition to PTSD.

About how long after a trauma does PTSD usually emerge in children?

Not everyone is effected long-term by a trauma. While it is likely that with enough intense trauma, everyone would develop PTSD symptoms eventually, all PTSD starts with the diagnosis of ‘Acute Trauma Disorder’. Acute Trauma is essentially the same as PTSD, but it may in fact end in a relatively brief period of time. It’s only after Acute Trauma does not ease that the diagnosis of PTSD is assigned.

In most cases, there will be identifiable signs of either of the stress disorders if there is a close enough observation of the child. The problem is that many of the signs of PTSD in children often look like a different diagnosis, like ADHD or ODD. It is not uncommon for these children to be misdiagnosed as Bi-Polar. In addition, most PTSD victims, especially children, tend to work hard at covering their symptoms and do not share the fact of experiences. So, a child could go for years, even decades, before anyone recognizes the behaviors seen and labeled as PTSD.

What symptoms should a parent look for in terms of recognizing PTSD in his child?

For me the key has been to start with any known traumatic events, such as abuse events. When difficult behaviors symptoms develop, a connection with the trauma(s) needs to be considered carefully. PTSD in children does not express the way that it does with adults. While there are general similarities, I have found that children tend to have unique expressions, like a high incidence of nighttime enuresis (bed wetting) that does not respond to medicine or behavioral interventions. In addition, many boys also have encopresis (fecal soiling after successful toilet training).

By far the biggest marker is that the child will have rapid mood changes from relative calm and happy to highly agitated. I describe this as being like a ‘light switch’. And just as quickly as the agitation starts, it can end. Often, the child cannot tell you what it was that they were upset about. The upsets are often accompanied by regressions in speech, and the child may begin to speak in baby-talk, cry uncontrollably, and refuse to be comforted or touched. This all may be accompanied by facial and chest flushing, body tenseness, pacing or looking panicked, and one very reliable sign: pupil dilation.

Often, parents describe these upsets as ‘tantrums’, but these are not really tantrums because they are far more intense than tantrums; tantrums are usually about manipulating to get something. Rather, these upsets are more accurately called ‘stress episodes’.

What is the best way to prevent PTSD from occurring in children?

There is a great deal of controversy over the idea of rapid response to trauma to prevent eventual PTSD. There is research on both sides that indicate it is effective or ineffective. There is even some research that demonstrates that ‘critical incident de-briefing’ can actually induce PTSD. So the jury is still out on the best time to begin treatment. In my opinion, the most important thing is to place the treatment time and speed into the hands of the person with the PTSD. “Forcing” someone to talk about their trauma before they are ready would likely not be effective. A trauma victim has already been forced during the trauma, I wouldn’t suggest repeating that situation to help them!

(Part 2 of this interview will post on Thursday, 1/8/09.)

(photo: **LYN**)

PTSD Healing Resolution #1: The Top 2 Things You Need to Heal

So, here we are in 2009; the beginning of a year when our desire to heal and our deliberate participation in our own PTSD healing is going to move us closer to relief.

Let’s get to it. Resolution #1 on our list of Healing PTSD Resolutions: I will create a powerful healing intention.

When we embark on the road to healing PTSD there are two most important elements we need with us to create a powerful healing intention:

#1 – belief in ourselves

#2 – belief in our ability to heal

These two things combined and focused create the compelling intention, I will use my internal power to heal my PTSD.

Do you feel a deep belief in these two areas? If not, it’s time to focus on shoring them up. They will be the crux of how and when you achieve healing.

As in everything about PTSD healing, these two elements are ones we have to manufacture ourselves. We must have a deep, unswerving belief in what we want to achieve. We must put the desire to be PTSD-free, to live fully without the stain of experience, back into our daily thoughts.
Two years ago my mother gave me a book entitled, THE LAW OF ATTRACTION, by Esther and Jerry Hicks. First of all let me just say, I’m not a woo-woo kind of person. I was skeptical of the book, but my mother’s not a frivolous person and she did so much over the years to cheerlead and champion my PTSD healing. So, in the spirit of her intention I opened the book – and nearly closed it when the first 30 pages of introduction just seemed a little too far out of the cosmos for me.

But then I got to the first chapter called, ‘An Introduction to Being Well-Being,’ and I thought, All right… I like that. I want to be well. So, I kept reading and was swept up in the book when I came upon two Laws that actually seemed useful:

Eternal Universal Law #1 is: Law of Attraction: That which is unto itself, is drawn. “Because the Law of Attraction is responding to the thoughts that you hold at all times, it is accurate to say that you are creating your own reality.” (Italics those of the authors.)

We bring to ourselves what we think about. In order to bring healing we must, in every moment, think about and believe it its possibility, truth and achievement. Everything we do, say, think, desire must support the belief in our ability to achieve wellness.

Eternal Universal Law #2 is: Science of Deliberate Creation: That which I give thought to and that which I believe or expect – is. "When you understand the power of thought and practice your deliberate offering of it, you will discover the powerful leverage (in creating) that only comes from desiring…. When you … positively anticipate with your thoughts, the amount of action required is far less, and the action is much more satisfying. If you do not take the time to align your thoughts, far more action is required, without the satisfying results."

The power of our intentions can reap results. The more we imagine ourselves being healed and use all of our thoughts toward that goal, the more quickly that becomes our reality, and the more easily we will achieve it.

When I finished the book I was inspired by the ideas, but I didn’t know what to do with them. So, life went on and I didn’t think about the book at all as other things replaced it in my intention. But not long afterward I really dropped everything in my life that did not support, enhance or encourage my PTSD healing. My sole focus became proactively developing a mindset and experiences for healing. Within six months I was PTSD-free. Coincidence? Maybe. I’d already done a lot of work in trauma therapy and in my personal quest to construct a post-trauma identity, so I was primed for the last steps of healing. But maybe those two laws burrowed their way into my subconscious and were noodling around in there, giving added support to my own pursuit of joy which was, in its primitive state, my version of combining laws 1 and 2.

Think about the two Universal Laws today. How can you incorporate them into your own thoughts? Here’s an inspirational video to get you going. For the rest of the day take your own pulse: measure the depth of your belief in yourself and your ability to heal. The next two BRIDGE THE GAP posts will explore how to strengthen these beliefs.

We have the power to transform our lives – no matter what has traumatized and transformed us. That power is available to us today and every day. We must only choose to use it.

(photo: Loving Earth)

Healing PTSD: Words of Wisdom & Inspiration

The essence of healing PTSD is two-fold:

Number 1 – we need to rout out the traumatic memory on the subconscious level

Number 2 – we need to construct a post-trauma identity

That’s it; pretty plain and simple. In the subconscious realm where we house our feelings and emotions, where experience is imprinted beyond our control, we need therapeutic help to reframe events and release our attachments to them.

On the conscious level, however…. it’s a whole other ball game. In the conscious arena we can effect change through making decisions, committing to them and following through. Plan. Commit. Act. Heal.

This means we can construct a post-trauma identity – a new self, undistorted by trauma, unaffected by PTSD – through choice, focus and action.

This idea of creating the self is very familiar to creative artists. On the outskirts of society, unappreciated and initially undiscovered, many artists have had only their own self and their belief in that self to rely upon in practicing, promoting and achieving their art.

Like us, artists do not have the strongest social personalities, nor are they comfortable in their own skin, at peace with their desires or in step with the world around them. Often, they are reclusive, troubled, disturbed, insecure and frightened. And yet, despite the chaos in their minds (and many of their documented mental illnesses) they construct strong personas and commit to living them with fearless dedication. The end goal is their art, and they will do anything for it. Despite their mental issues they call up a deep reserve of strength and belief in themselves and achieve goals that seem out of reach.

There’s a lesson here for us PTSDers: The self can be consciously, practically, determinedly constructed. In partnership with trauma reduction therapies, we can and need to do self-directed work to design and inhabit a new, PTSD-free self. My own healing experience has instilled in me a fierce belief that the work we do on ourselves enhances and quickens the healing process.

Today then, some words of inspiration for this goal of constructing a post-trauma identity. Drawn from my extensive research on creative artists (I hold an MFA in Poetry and have lectured nationally on the topic of creativity), I offer these insightful wisdoms from some of the greatest artists in history, men and women who struggled with their own mental illnesses and social alienations to overcome doubt, insecurity and fear to achieve not only an incredible level of art, but also an intense richness of personality that supported them in anything they attempted to do.

I continue to believe that it is better to perfect oneself little by little and by one’s own efforts. ~ Camille Pisarro

At any age we grow by the enlarging of consciousness, by learning…. That implies a new way of looking at the universe. ~ May Sarton

… what I want to say is not more or less than that any man is unconscious of some peculiar great hidden force, deeply hidden in him, until sooner or later he is awakened. ~ Vincent van Gogh

Again I am compelled to state how I believe that attitude is everything. ~ Sylvia Plath

I wanted my world made in my own image, a world that would breathe my spirit. I made myself God, since there was nothing to hinder me. ~ Henry Miller

Don’t wait for it. Create a world, your world. Alone. Stand alone. Create. ~ Anais Nin

Do you have personal quotes about self-empowerment that you like? Add them below. The more we visualize who we want to be the sooner we’ll leave behind who PTSD has made us become.

(photo: The Dog’s Daddy)

How To Heal PTSD: Tap Your Inner Hero

Dr. Peter A. Levine has a unique take on the effects of trauma and how they are to be healed. In the introduction to his landmark book WAKING THE TIGER: Healing Trauma, he writes, “Most trauma therapies address the mind through talk and the molecules of the mind with drugs…. However, trauma is not… fully healed until we also address the essential role played by the body.” Through an in-depth explanation in the book he goes on to couple this idea with how the body and mind work together in the moment of trauma as well as afterward.

About WAKING THE TIGER Levine writes, “This book is about the gift of wisdom we receive as a result of learning to harness and transform the body’s awesome, primordial, and intelligent energies. In overcoming the destructive force of trauma, our innate potential … lifts us to new heights of mastery and knowledge.”

This is exactly what PTSD healing should be about. It should be about reclaiming our power, not reliving our trauma. Don’t get me wrong, of course it’s necessary to map out what occurred and examine and respect it and honor our experience. But then, it’s necessary to move beyond. We cannot heal if we drag around this old stuff in every new moment.

My trauma therapist put it to me like this one day when we were discussing my inability to finally ‘let it go’:

“Michele,” he said, “You’re like the survivor of a shipwreck who made it to shore by clinging to a piece of driftwood. Now you’re on land, and everywhere you go you continue to carry this soggy, waterlogged piece of driftwood. Put it down.”

He was so right. But when we feel traumatized and powerless and that becomes how we see ourselves and how we define our identities, how are we supposed to let that go? That would be like letting go of our own selves. But what if we replaced one damaged self with another healthy, strong self? Here's one idea of how we can do that: We must redefine our self-perception as a hero rather than a victim. We must find some action to take that replaces the inaction we felt at the time of the trauma. HEALING OURSELVES CAN BE THAT ACTION.

A little background. Studies have proved that those who act during their trauma vs. those who freeze, develop less aftereffects. Here’s an example that really interests and inspires me:

In 1976 in Chowchilla, CA, twenty-six children ranging from age five to fifteen were kidnapped and imprisoned in an underground vault in a quarry for about thirty hours. The children were stunned, terrified and immobilized by fear – except for Bob Barklay. When the roof of the vault collapsed and threatened to kill them all, this fourteen year old decided to dig a tunnel to freedom. This idea, which he executed with a single classmate, allowed all of the hostages to escape unharmed.

In follow up studies of the children, every single one of them – except Bob – exhibited severe signs and symptoms of long-terms effects on their psychological, medical and social functioning. Why not Bob? Levine explains, “By bringing the other children to freedom, Bob Barklay successfully met an extraordinary challenge. On that day … he was unquestionably a hero. … He was able to stay in motion and flow through the immobility response that completely overwhelmed and incapacitated the others….”

Many of us suffer from an immobility problem when we are traumatized, either physically or emotionally. During my own trauma I accepted that my death was imminent and did not engage to fight. (Well, I did fight at first and then felt the situation was more enormous and powerful than I was, so I stopped fighting and waited for death to come.) I was terrified and in a great deal of pain. I felt powerless and impotent and certain there was nothing that could be done to save me. I resigned myself to whatever would occur. I froze and dissociated and waited to be released from the horror.

When we survive our traumas, we must eliminate the after effects of our immobility. Sometimes, this immobility is what we do to live through trauma; it becomes a part of how we coped – and how we cope. But this causes a problem: Our minds and bodies become stuck in this aspect of the experience. We are traumatized and defeated and cannot imagine being cured.

But what if we were like Bob Barklay? He developed the idea to dig the tunnel when the roof collapsed; in the moment all seemed to be lost he found an idea that lead to everyone’s safety.

On our path to healing there are these moments when we glimpse a crack in the foundation of our trauma; when we see there might be a small inkling of a healing possibility; when we allow ourselves to hope for just a second that we might eventually be PTSD-free. --- And then we sink back down into our immobility response. But those are just the moments we need to do what Bob did! We need to ‘flow through the immobility response’ and take an action.

Recovering a sense of our own power catapults us down the path to wellness. Becoming our own heroes redefines our perceptions of ourselves and allows us to put down that driftwood after all. Mustering up the strength to heroically dig ourselves out of our PTSD hostage situation returns to us the power of which we were robbed.

We cannot change the past or our traumatic experience, but we can change the future and how we function in it. It all comes down to this idea of power. When we are traumatized we lose our power. When we heal we take it back. Rising up and committing to the challenge of healing PTSD can be just the heroic act we need in order to free ourselves from those heavy PTSD chains.

This can be done. This isn’t just me thinking it’s possible – I have done it through a rigorous, self-determined transformation, and you can, too. Healing is a choice, but like anything worthwhile, we have to work hard and fight for it. All the therapy in the world will not cure us if we do not participate in our own healing. We must dig our own tunnel to escape PTSD. In the end, we must become our own hero. Even Dr. Levine agrees:

“I learned that it was unnecessary to dredge up old memories and relive their emotional pain to heal trauma. In fact, severe emotional pain can be re-traumatizing. What we need to do to be freed from our symptoms and fears is to arouse our deep physiological resources and consciously utilize them. If we remain ignorant of our power to change the course of our instinctual responses in a proactive rather than reactive way, we will continue being imprisoned and in pain.”

Get ready: 2009 will be the year you begin to tap your Inner Hero.

(photo: Neville_S)

PTSD Healing: 12 Resolutions for 2009

Happy New Year! And welcome to a year when you can choose how your PTSD healing will progress.

To walk beside you in your quest for wellness, beginning today PARASITES OF THE MIND will feature 3 weekly posts directly geared toward prescriptive PTSD healing methods – that is, things you can do to proactively enhance your healing experience.

In addition, 3 other weekly posts will continue to address PTSD issues of awareness, education, treatment and healing (plus whatever else seems relevant!).

So, let’s dive in. The following list of resolutions are designed to build upon each other to fortify your healing focus and help you visualize the totally healed you. Drawn from my own healing experience, these are the 12 actions that finally brought me to where I am today - PTSD-free and lovin' it.

BRIDGE THE GAP: 12 PTSD Healing Resolutions

#1 – I will create a powerful healing intention.

#2 – I will talk.

#3 – I will reach out.

#4 – I will educate myself.

#5 – I will educate those around me.

#6 – I will seek help.

#7 – I will actively change my unhealthy perceptions.

#8 – I will deliberately construct a post-trauma identity.

#9 – I will set healing goals.

#10 – I will do whatever it takes to be PTSD-free.

#11 – I will do at least one thing per day toward my healing.

#12 – I will seek joy.

Have a resolution you’d like to add to the list? Leave a comment.

Got a PTSD issue you’d like to see addressed in a post? Feel free to suggest it by contacting me: parasitesof.themind (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Let’s heal together, and then spread the word that PTSD is treatable and curable.

If you’re still not convinced I’m right about this whole possibility of healing idea, I’ll leave you with this quote from Dr. David Baldwin’s fabulous website, Trauma Information Pages:

If we "know" there can't be a cure, we'll never find out if we were wrong. That is the danger I see in arguing "Why there can be no cure for PTSD".

I’m an ex-New Yorker; for many years the motto for our beloved Mets was ‘Ya Gotta Believe’. And so do you.

(photo: mrzeising)

PTSD Healing: Moving Toward 2009

Only one day left in 2009 – one day remaining in this PTSD year in which you made no progress/some progress/tons of progress. No matter where you are on your PTSD healing timeline the new year offers the chance for a fresh, rejuvenating start.

Over the past few days we’ve taken a good look at the state of our PTSD, designed PTSD healing resolutions, and considered how to make those resolutions stick.

Tomorrow I’ll post 12 PTSD Healing New Year Resolutions for 2009 - all of which are reachable, all of which we'll explore in the upcoming months so that you inch closer and closer to freedom. But today we’ll take the day off from all this introspection and planning and leave the heavy thinking to my friend Brett Baughman (personal success coach, among other things).

An important way to prepare for change is to visualize the process, not just the old ‘if you can conceive it you can achieve it’, but an image of the entire process as a whole. One of the difficult things about achieving anything is the unexpected pitfalls and pitstops along the way. However, if we break down the process so we see where we are, and if we understand that each part of the process takes some time, then we have more focus, strength and patience.

Dr. Abraham Low, a mental health self-recovery guru, said, “If more of my patients had more patience I’d have less patients.”

So, let’s have some patience with ourselves and the healing process. In Brett’s experience of working with recovery he’s developed the following overview of the healing process, which he sees as containing these 3 simple steps:

Step #1 – We must be willing to let go of our trauma. Making a list of how negatively PTSD affects us helps us see why we should be willing to let it go, and then moves us toward the idea of giving up PTSD because we can quantitatively see the large picture of its impact.

Step #2 – We must focus on what we want. Redefining who we are plays a large role in healing PTSD. So, who are you? Not the PTSD you, but the real you lying dormant underneath? Outside of (and if it weren’t for) PTSD who do you want to be? Making a list of the things you would/could/want to do if PTSD did not exist is an excellent way to begin to see the real you waiting to be set free.

Step #3 – Recharge your therapy. It’s important that we work with people who know how to gently guide us where we need to go, rather than allow us to skirt the real issue(s) just because we’re too afraid or tired to go there. Make sure you’re working with a therapist qualified to understand the process of overcoming trauma. Make sure you’re working with someone strong enough to call you on your manipulations and diversions so you don’t waste time (or money!). If you’re looking for a new therapy adventure, find a therapist who works with Neurolinguistic Programming and its sister technique, Time Line Therapy (for a look at creator Tad James in action watch this fun(ny) video clip). Both of these techniques (in addition to hypnosis) are processes that work to reframe traumatic memories in the subconscious, retrain the brain, release negative emotions and define a new perspective – all of which allows us to plan, embody and create the future so we let go of the past.

It is possible to bridge the gap between PTSD and a joyful life – 2009 can be the year you move farther out onto the span…. Let’s cross it together.


(photo: hbomb1947)

PTSD Healing: Gearing up for CHANGE

The best way to make a Big Change (like becoming PTSD-free) is to start with Small Change. For example, today I cut off my hair. It was, until a few minutes ago, down below my shoulder blades. Now, it’s just below my ears. It’s a small change in the overall Scheme of Me, but it sure creates a different look! (For those of you wondering, I am not a professional hair stylist. I’m just a chick with scissors, and curly hair, which helps when I make a mistake.) The impulsive way I decided to chop off my hair is very much the same impulsive way I healed my PTSD – I made the decision I would be free, and then hacked away at the problem until I finally found relief.

As you gear up to change your PTSD experience, what small changes can you make in other areas to support your ‘Time to Change’ perspective? What detail(s) about your external look can you change as a way to stimulate the internal change you seek? What schedule, habit or lifestyle changes can you put in place to kick off the Time to Change theme of 2009?

For example, think about what clothing you can eliminate and/or replace. What cologne to get rid of or try. What routine you can rearrange. One of my friends is about to pick up his study of Tae Kwon Do again. One of my dance friends just dyed her hair from brown to shocking blonde. A few months ago another one went from blonde to red. If we get in the spirit of change in these small ways our subconscious is geared to the change mindset, which encourages it in the right direction for the larger issues.

It’s time to psych yourself up for change. In addition to the actions you might try, take a look at this ‘Psych Yourself up for Success’ article, which talks about attitude adjustment for change. Interpret its ideas in terms of PTSD.

Doubt that you can change? Locate yourself on this Stages of Change outline by Dr. Linda Sapadin. If you’re not in the ‘Commitment to Change’ stage, ask yourself why. Do some soul searching today to figure out what’s holding you back. Start the Big Change by changing a negative belief from doubt to faith. You can do it. People change behaviors all the time. The only thing that’s different about us PTSDers is that we have to rout out experience and memory in order for the full change to become permanent. No sweat, no problem; piece of cake, we have a plan. We have support. But before any of that helps, we need to commit.

If you think maybe a little guided exercise would help shore up your focus, this ‘How To Change Your Behavior Patterns: Completing Your New Year's Resolutions’ article offers a great outline for understanding ourselves, our motivations and consequent behavior. Once we recognize all of this, change is easier to plan, implement and execute. We have to know ourselves – not just the pain but what’s behind it, what’s motivating all of our PTSD symptoms; not just the overall traumatic experience but how it’s impacting us on every minute, daily level.

OK, so my hair is short and bouncy and I’m ready for change in 2009. Being healed from PTSD doesn’t mean I’ve given up working to refocus, redefine and reclaim my life. It’s all a process. I have lots of lost time to make up! What are you waiting for???

(Photo: Staffelfuxhund Alex)

PTSD NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS: How to Make 'Em Stick

The history of new year resolutions goes like this: The tradition goes all the way back to 153 B.C. when Janus, a mythical king of early Rome, was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.

In 2009 we also have the unique ability to look backward and forward. The problem with most PTSD experiencers is that we don’t. We only look backward – and see the past reflected in any peek into the future. In the upcoming year this must CHANGE.

I know, I know: It’s difficult to make change on the conscious level, that’s why so many of us have vowed to change our PTSD ways and failed. Well, of course it’s difficult to change! Those thoughts about change occur in our conscious mind and here’s the rub: The conscious mind only represents 12% of our entire mind. The other 88% - the subconscious - is where our motivations are housed. The 88% runs the show; if we want to affect complete change we must access this 88% through various methods (for example, EMDR, NLP and hypnosis).

But that’s not what we’re talking about today. TODAY we’re focusing on the role the 12% plays. As in: it’s important to condition the 12% to change. That’s where resolutions come in. Don’t underrate their importance in helping us focus so that we achieve PTSD freedom. The memories need to be routed out at the subconscious level, but our thoughts and actions in the 12% also have a major impact.

So….. In support of your 2009 Healing PTSD Resolution(s) (because you’re crafting it/them, right?), a few tips today about how to make that/those resolutions stick. It all begins with our vow not to be a part of the Failed New Year Resolutions statistic that states 80% of all resolutions will be broken by January 31.

We will need to concentrate on ways to avoid falling into this trap….

1 - Be confident you will succeed. We cannot achieve anything if we don’t believe in ourselves. The tough thing about PTSD is that it robs us of a sense of our own strength, identity and power. OK, we all know that. It’s time to get past it.

If you believe in nothing about yourself all year, you must only believe this: You can heal PTSD. There are many of us who have done it. You are not alone and not unique. You can join those of us who have crossed the bridge to wellness.

You must commit to doing whatever you need to build confidence in yourself: design and/or write healing affirmations, design a healing mantra to repeat during times of stress or quiet relaxation, actively work to build your self confidence.

2 – Refine your resolution so it does not feel out of reach. I like this article by Dr. Donald E. Wetmore. Once you’ve crafted your resolution, consider these 4 tips to help refine it into something that is manageable.

3 – Be nice to yourself. Making change is difficult. There are 1,00o reasons why we don’t have the patience, strength, focus, drive, etc. to kick PTSD. But there are 1,000,000 why we should, can and do. Remind yourself it’s all a process. Don’t be in a rush. Be slow and methodical. Tackle one thing at a time. Prioritize the items on your lists and attack them one by one.

Most importantly of all, make sure you stick to a mindset that supports the Herculean effort you’re making. It’s all a matter of perspective, which you can support with these new year resolution tips.

(photo: Fredden)

HOW TO MAKE A PTSD NEW YEAR RESOLUTION: Give it Some Real, Deep Thought

So, yesterday I talked about the idea of New Year Resolutions and how they can help focus us on our path to healing. And I referred to my resolution 2 years ago that got me where I am today.

But I’ll let you in on a secret: there was a big problem with my 2007 New Year Resolution: I didn’t know how to fulfill it. It was, after all, pretty vague. Just resolving that within the next year ‘I will be finished with this’ is not exactly a clear statement that puts you on a healing path to getting rid of PTSD.

Luckily, I stumbled into how to achieve my resolution when I danced, which led me to the decision to pursue joy. But your decision to become PTSD-free doesn’t have to (shouldn’t!) be so vague. In fact, according to www.Mygoals.com, a web site geared toward helping define and achieve goals, the clearer your goal the better. This article entitled “Making New Year Resolutions Count” explains the 4-step process to creating the right goals, including this tip: “Give some thought to what you really want and why you want it. What direct benefits do you hope to receive? Identifying the "why" helps you avoid setting goals for the wrong reasons.”

That, ahem, directly supports my suggestion yesterday about the lists you can make about the present so you can see exactly how you want to change the future.

Need some professional help in crafting your resolution? Check out this article – at the end of the piece are links to an online counseling center that offer resolution advice, including a FREE ONLINE THERAPY forum and online counseling to help you set your goals.

Chafing at the idea of homework? Don’t know/want/understand how to craft a healing PTSD resolution? Don’t worry – on New Years Eve I’ll post a list of 12 healing PTSD resolutions for 2009. Then, each month during the new year we’ll address one intention through a series of posts that explore the resolution and offer proactive ways to initiate achieving it.

But don’t just rely on me to do all the work. As I’ve discussed several times, each of us must participate in our own healing; we must feed the desire to be well. That’s the only way healing will be achieved.

So, it’s Sunday, a good day to relax, reflect and reconsider how you will live the upcoming year. Get to it! Freedom is not far away.


(photo: dark and broody)

How to Heal PTSD: A Guide for Healing in 2009

The countdown to 2009 IS ON! And the question is, What are you going to do to make 2009 a better PTSD year than 2008?

In 2009 I’ll be adding some weekly features to support you in this goal. They will include prescriptive and proactive healing measures. Designed to build throughout the year, these BRIDGE THE GAP tips, ideas, and activities will structure a healing process to supplement whatever you’re already doing. Whether you’re in therapy or out, on medication or off, you can implement this BRIDGE THE GAP process to further explore, examine and progress your path to wellness.

We can begin the process with a New Year Resolution, which can help focus your intention on healing. I know this from experience. Two years ago on New Years Eve 2007 I made a resolution that I was going to kick PTSD in the upcoming year. And I did it, which means you can, too. After more than 25 horrible PTSD years I decided to find a way to end all of the nightmares, insomnia, flashbacks, etc. ALL OF IT. I’d had enough. It took me the full year, but I achieved wellness just within the 2008 deadline.

We can't approach PTSD healing as if it can or must be done quickly. A full year is not a bad timeframe in which to consider shedding our PTSD identity and getting on with our lives as someone else. I got together with Holly, a colleague, this week to talk about PTSD support groups. We're about to start one in our local area. Holly is a family counseling therapist and made this interesting statement, "It's important for anyone healing from trauma not to see him or herself as a victim. You are not 'a victim of abuse'; you are 'dealing with the aftermath of abuse'. The difference is that the first label covers the whole person for a limitless time; the second applies to only a part of the person for a limited period of time." And now, it's time for that limited period to end. Healing can be a slow process, but it must be one that does progress. Over the next 4 days let's get focused.

To begin today, take some time to think about what you would like to change about your PTSD experience in 2009. Did I hear you say, Everything! Yeah, believe me, I know. But that’s not good enough. When we want to make a change, we need to be specific. We need to be clear in our intention. Remember I recently wrote about the importance of intention? Now is the time to make it count!

In order to make your intentions fully weighted, it helps to think in specifics. To really focus yourself toward PTSD healing, make some lists so that you are fully aware of PTSD and all its manifestations in your life – not just in the fog of coping with it, but in knowing, recognizing and understanding its impact.

For example, make a list of:

1. all your PTSD symptoms

2. all the reasons you hate PTSD

3. all the reasons you want to hold onto PTSD; all the benefits you see in keeping it

4. all the ways PTSD gets in the way of living a full, happy life

5. all the things you would/could do if PTSD was no longer a part of your life.

Really take some time to get these lists fleshed out. See if you can do a Top 5 or Top 10 outline for each. Tomorrow I’m going to post about designing New Year Resolutions; the more details we have to work with the easier crafting a reasonable Healing PTSD Resolution will be.

(photo: swiv)

Healing PTSD: Proof that EMDR Gets Results!

I recently became acquainted with Michael Burns and a documentary film he’s making, EMDR, that explores and examines the benefits and results of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Developed by Francine Shapiro EMDR has been proven to be a breakthrough therapy in treating anxiety, stress and trauma.

Now, EMDR, the film, brings all of the research, treatment and cure possibilities together in one documentary movie. Michael explained his interest in EMDR to me this way:

"I'm interested in this topic for many reasons, and have had EMDR myself. I was very skeptical before hand, dismissive even, until I tried it. I felt after that, that I wanted to make sure as many people knew about it as possible - it can't help everyone, but I believe it can end suffering for millions of us."

The film will be an in-depth narrative investigation into the treatment, and will include interviews with key personalities who facilitate EMDR training and treatment. Take a look at the clips on the EMDR movie site; they’re fascinating and would give anyone hope that – even if EMDR cannot completely cure your particular PTSD symptoms – it can do much to alleviate the severity of the symptoms and put you on a path to wellness.

In my own experience, at the beginning of my therapeutic address of PTSD we used EMDR. In conjunction with other cognitive behavioral techniques it did alleviate my symptoms so that I became stronger and therefore more able to wage the PTSD healing war. Ultimately, it was another therapy that got rid of my PTSD symptoms entirely, but I believe that EMDR helped me get on my way to healing.
The focus of the EMDR film will be on 3 or 4 stories it follows over a one month period of treatment. Do you want to be one of those stories? Perhaps you can! Michael says, "We need three things right now. 1) We need, for example, 9/11 survivors who are suffering from PTSD in some form to follow in the film. We are narrowing down the stories over the next month and want to settle on about 3 or 4. 2) We also need people to spread the word far and wide about this. 3) And of course, like every other film, we need funds to make the project. We have a site set up with some perks for all the donors at a certain level. The amount we need is nothing compared to a major motion picture, but to do this right we still need some."

If you’re interested in participating in the film, or donating funds you can contact Michael through the EMDR movie site, or through his email address: info (at) michaelburns (dot) com.

As the playwright Tennessee Williams used to sign his letters, En avant! As in (for us) onward (toward healing)!

(photo: poly_mnia)

PTSD & Holiday Stress: How To Avoid A Meltdown

Back around Thanksgiving I interviewed Dr. Marianna Lead about her Top 5 stress relief tips. This month I decided to go to the source: In all of the online support groups in which I participate, I asked my fellow PTSDers what their favorite methods were. Here are their Top 5 answers:

I have a visualization that I do of a "safe place" from when I was a kid. I go to the big canopy trees in the woods, look up and see them blowing around with blue sky and sunshine behind them. It calms me. I usually cry, but ultimately I feel saner after.

I make up my mind … that I want to feel calm and relatively content for the holidays, and then I do nothing that would make that difficult. (It's kind of like that Lynn Grabhorn book, Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting. It works.) I've cut way back on Christmas frenzy, and no one has complained. The important stuff still gets done and everybody, including me, has good memories.

I don't make commitments to others that I don't want to just to please them. Nowhere is it set in stone that I HAVE to visit so and so...I can do what I want and others will have to cope with my healthy choices....like it or not.

I cut back on what I do for others. I used to make candy, cookies and treats for holiday trays that I would prepare and give to friends & coworkers. This year I haven't done any of it.

The hard part for me will be visiting my parents. That is always hard because they hold Christmas up to be this massive event that has to be "perfect" and trust me dysfunction can't be turned into perfection over night ... so needless to say they're always disappointed. I'm over trying to make their holiday perfect. I'm not going to be responsible for their happiness anymore, it's not my problem. This year I worked on creating a "shield," with the help of my therapist, that will help me deflect the pain, hurt and sorrow that they "gift" to me each year.



And because it's the season of giving: two bonus ideas. The first is something I’ve never tried, but I think the idea – to remove ourselves from stressful situations, even if just for a few minutes – is one that can help us regain control over ourselves, regardless of what’s going on around us…

I usually go into the bathroom (the smaller the room the better) and sit until the feeling passes. I've even done this while driving. I'll pull off the road near the nearest restaurant or something and go into a bathroom stall. I don't know why it works for me, but it does.


And the second, a tried and true favorite -- whether you live in the country or the city:

Long walks.

What tips would you add? Let me know what works for you...

(photo: julianabreeze;epmd)

PTSD Healing, Part 3: Healing Comes After SPLAT!

Tomorrow I’ll add to my list of PTSD and holiday stress tips with some fresh ideas, but today I want to wrap up this whole concept of the ebb and flow of healing….

First, let’s just admit we all have days we feel done in and want to give up. Over 25 years of my own PTSD struggle there were certainly days I wanted to end it all – days I couldn’t imagine healing or being well, days I couldn’t imagine having the strength to beat this thing; days I didn’t even want to try to beat it; days it would have been so much easier to give in. But we make the choice to go on. We make the choice to struggle one more day because we do not know when that breakthrough will come.

From the other side I can tell you, it will come, but not necessarily when you expect it. There were many days after my EMDR, TFT, EFT and TAT treatments when I thought for sure things were turning around – and then they got worse just when I expected things to get better. So, we can’t predict the path, we only can commit to staying on it.

My mother has always counseled me that courage is a choice. There were times I didn’t think I was strong enough to make that choice – but making the choice to choose is also a choice. If we are always choosing to be proactive we will eventually find relief. Healing PTSD is a battle won in inches. Sometimes the steps are small, but even the smallest step leads to healing. If we have the strength to wake up in the morning, then we have the strength to choose to choose; we have the strength to choose how this day will go. We have the strength to choose, Will today beat us, or will we beat it? Will we summon up some courage, or admit defeat?

I refuse to believe you cannot find the strength to choose, or change your perspective, or participate in your own healing. It isn’t possible. You’re here, aren’t you, looking for answers and seeking support? There is a strong part of you trying to find its way out of the dark. That is the part that should be listened to, that is the voice that should be fed and inspired and nurtured; that is the self that is choosing – every day – to make its way toward wellness. It is this striving self that rises up from our hearts and asks to be heard; this voice that struggles to drown out the other that only imagines we will fail.

Traditionally, this is the time of year people have hope and believe in the possibility of great things. It is the time of year for miracles. Make this holiday season work for you. Make it be the beginning of your own PTSD healing miracle. Next week I’m going to put up a list of PTSD new year resolutions. Start thinking about what yours will be.... Use the spirit of the holidays to infuse your own mind with the possibilities for the upcoming year. You never know when success is about to come, as this fun parable proves:

Award winning cartoonist, Jules Feiffer, once presented a sketch that captures well the spirit of people striving for success. The cartoon begins with a man encountering a guru sitting at a fork in the road:

“Which way is success?” the man asks. The stoic sage points down the path to his left.

The man, thrilled at the prospect of easy success, rushes off in the appropriate direction. From the distance comes a loud SPLAT!

The man reappears. He is bruised and tattered. Again he asks the guru, “Which way is success?”

Once again the wise man says nothing. He simply points down the path to his left.

The man quickly races down the path a second time. From the distance comes a much louder SPLAT!

The man returns crawling on his hands and knees. He is bloody and beaten.

He yells at the guru, “Twice I have asked you about the path to success. Both times I followed your directions and both times all I have gotten is splatted!”

He screams at the top of his lungs, “No more pointing, talk to me!”

The wise man calmly replies, “Success is that way. It is just a little past SPLAT.”

(photo: setch)