Healing PTSD: Courage in the Face of Fear

Last week I wrote about the importance of courage in supporting your Healing Resolution #1: the intention to heal PTSD. Today, I want to look at the frequent precursor to courage: Fear.

The truth is, we’re all afraid. Healing takes a great amount of courage, but here’s the secret: it doesn’t take any more courage than what we already contain. We’re survivors, remember? That means we’ve already had the courage to withstand some life-threatening, life-altering thing. How do you think you did that? Courage, baby, courage!

The key during healing is to tap into that courage and use it again; to provide a pipeline for it to pump as much as you need every day. The pipeline, in this case, is commitment. The strength of our commitment to heal – and to use the power of our intention and the rest of the tools in the BRIDGE THE GAP process – is like a direct transmit from the source of our courage into our every day lives. I know this because I lived it. It happened like this:

For a long time my biggest fear was that my trauma would happen again. That some medical mystery would befall me and the entire medical community would be unable to help me. After that, I feared I wouldn’t survive the mystery the second time around.

These were my fearful thoughts on a conscious and subconscious level week after week after week for 25 years. And so, because like attracts like and you are what you think and you become what you dwell upon my body and mind worked together to simulate what I was thinking and make it a reality. For ten whole years I had mysterious medical ailments, issues and problems that no doctor could diagnose or treat and which threatened my life to the extent that my organs began to malfunction. Not an exact replica of my original trauma, but close enough so that my greatest fears came true: I was sick and unable to be made well by the top doctors in New York City.

And then something interesting happened. I was so rundown, exhausted and defeated by these medical problems and their impact that I developed a new fear: That I would live the rest of my life caught in this hellacious medical limbo. The new fear had an interesting effect: it flipped my old perspective on its head. Whereas I’d been afraid of what would happen that could go wrong, now all I thought about was what I wanted to go right. My thoughts shifted from fear of illness to fear of never having health or being happy, which left me constantly thinking about and imagining the future I wanted instead of the future I feared, which changed my focus of imagination away from what could harm me toward what would make my life better, which made me focus on my desire to be well, which became the focus of all my thoughts. The consequence of these perceptual shifts: After a while of this committed way of thinking, the path to healing revealed itself to me because:

Like does attract like.

We actually are what we think.

We do become what we dwell upon.

If we commit to the honor, repetition and dogma of trauma and PTSD we make a big mistake. Embracing PTSD because we don’t know what to do and/or it’s the only game in town that makes sense in the aftermath of trauma only sets us up for more and more suffering.

It’s OK, normal and even necessary to feel fear – what separates the heroes from the cowards is what we do in the face of that fear. We are all in this together. There are no cowards here, only people moving a little more slowly toward that day they will rise up and become their powerful selves.

Along the way, examine your fears. Today, make a list of the most prevalent fears you find yourself thinking about. Write them out so you can see them. And then, find a way to flip the perspective the way I did above. What positive thing that is completely opposite to that fear can you focus on? Write out these new thoughts and commit to them. Put them, post them, hang them, stick them where you can see them. Focus, people. Focus! It’s easier to think about the bad stuff, yes, but it’s so much more healthy, profitable and healing to commit to thinking about the good.

(photo: stuant 63)

PTSD Healing: 6 Ways to Solidify Your Commitment to Heal

It’s one thing to walk around thinking you want to heal, and telling yourself and your loved ones that you do. But it’s another thing entirely to commit to what it takes to be healed. In order to support your healing intention you must make the commitment to act. In order to support that commitment it helps to have some structure in place. Today, 6 things you can do to solidify your commitment:

1 – Carefully define your healing goal. I really do love Nick Best’s ‘Believe You Will Succeed’ outline for achieving a goal. If you haven’t taken a look at it yet, find some time to work it through. Healing is just like any other goal: it helps to have a definitive plan. Also, it’s important to assess what would get in the way of that plan – and then get rid of those things! Nick’s outline is a step-by-step guide to planning your entire healing journey, both in terms of your time and your mind.

2 – Create a timeline. Let’s be serious, healing isn’t something that happens over night. After struggling to heal for so long, I finally gave myself one last year: By my 40th birthday I wanted to be free of this stuff. (I made it, just under the wire!) Choose a timeframe that works for you. Give yourself a lot of room – but not too much! One or two years of the really hard, deep work should set you up for great results. Choose a big event, or some quiet date to work toward. Get your subconscious into the game by developing the idea that you will be PTSD-free by that point. When we begin to imagine we begin to heal. If we see the end and know where we’re going, that helps us chart our course and our minds shape the idea of success.

3 – Prioritize your healing process. The whole idea of healing can seem overwhelming. Don’t let yourself get distracted by this! Break down the phases so that the journey is manageable. Make a list of the top five healing acts you want to try, and then approach them one by one. My list looked like this: a) educate myself about PTSD, b) develop the ability to tell the story, c) reach out to other survivors, d) construct my post-trauma identity, e) find a hypnotherapist.

4 – Set a schedule. When you know your ultimate timeframe it’s easier to break down time into increments, and from there to break down the healing process into manageable chunks. We can’t do everything all at once, so set yourself a schedule that will guide your way. Give yourself a task each month, each week, or even each day. Developing a healing habit is important; setting a schedule ensures you find time for all aspects of this important journey.

5 – Buddy up! As PTSD experiencers we’ve been isolated long enough. For your healing journey, get a partner to support you along your quest. This can be anyone, but it should be someone you feel you can trust, and who will honestly help you maintain your commitment. (Mine was my mother because she was endlessly supportive, unfailingly resourceful, empathetic, compassionate and never got frustrated or angry no matter how many times I banged my head against the wall!) Tell this partner your plan. Share with them the timeline, your priorities, and the schedule. It helps to be able to talk these things out. Things sound differently in the spoken word than in our mind, and hearing things aloud can bring us to new thoughts, ideas and understanding. Plus, your buddy may have helpful ideas. Knowing that someone is standing beside us and expects us to follow through with our plans gives us even more motivation to do so.

6 – Reward yourself. Remember when you were a kid and you were given a gold star for good behavior or a good math or spelling test? Newsflash: Your grown up self likes to be rewarded, too. For every step in your healing process, reward yourself for the achievement. Make a list of some things you want to do for yourself. This may be as simple as a day alone, away from your responsibilities. Or, it can be the purchase of some item you’ve been putting off. Healing is tough work; when we reach milestones we should give ourselves something special. When we know we’re working toward a gratification, we’re more committed and motivated to succeed.

One more thought, just for good measure: Give yourself some room. While it’s important to plan, commit, act, and follow through, it’s also important not to become militant, rigid, obsessed or fanatical. Healing should be a return to grace, a recapturing of living life in flow and ease. If we force the healing process into a narrow chute and try to stuff ourselves through it there’s no way we can achieve the ultimate goal. There will be pitfalls and setbacks. Don’t beat yourself up over them! The surest way to kill your commitment is to feel abused by it. Healing is like the ebb and flow of the tide; it has a rhythm. Know that you’re on the path to wellness and have faith in yourself that you will get there.



(photo: Isaac B2)

Healing PTSD: Courage, Baby, Courage

Getting back to Mark Twain, let’s take a look at the role of courage in the commitment mix. It’s easier to remain committed when we feel strongly supported in our actions by a deep resolve within.

But where does that resolve come from? Sometimes our introduction to our own courage comes from an external source, like it did for me. But in our healing journey we can’t depend on anything outside of ourselves to support us or to give us “a quality of spirit that enables [us] to face danger or pain without showing fear”. If we have an external source of courage, that’s great. But lacking that, we must create our own source.

Take a minute to think about where your courage comes from. We all have it, that quiet reserve of strength that, like the good set of china, we keep tucked away for a special occasion. Well, kids, healing PTSD is that special occasion. It’s time to dust off that courage, take it out, set it on the table, polish it up and prepare to allow its beautiful presence to infuse your ordinary day with extraordinary beauty.

If you can’t pinpoint the source of your courage – no problem! Map its source right now. Think back to times in your life when you felt courageous. What made you feel the swell of courage then? Make a list of elements, characteristics, traits, actions, and emotions surrounding that memory. Set a timer for 5 minutes. List as many qualities as you can until the time runs out. Then, read over the list. Which examples do you value most? Congratulations! These are all part of you. We hold an endless reservoir of courage in ourselves. It does not get used up. If you accessed courage once, you can do it again. Take a long look at the list you just made; this is who you are. That you don’t feel this way in the moment is irrelevant. This is your potential. You were this once; you can be again. Walk around today reminding yourself of the things on the list. Say to yourself, ‘I am ____________”. In this BRIDGE THE GAP rediscovery process it’s important for you to recognize the strength you do inherently possess. And then to begin to exude it. Life’s daily challenges give us plenty of opportunities to flex the muscle of the qualities that support, enhance or signal the presence of courage. Find them in each day. Practice your connection to your courage. Make locating and utilizing it as simple as a habit and it will support you in all the things you set your mind to do.

Don’t have any memories that showcase your courageous self? No sweat. Take a look around. Who do you know (or know of) that exhibits courage? Think of real life stories of those around you; think of characters in books you’ve read or movies you’ve seen. Think of celebrities, journalists, people in the public eye. Choose a figure who embodies courage as you perceive it. Now, take some time to make a list of the courageous qualities that person exhibits. What are they? When you clearly see what qualities you admire you can begin to adopt them yourself. Each day you will bump into opportunities to develop a quiet strength, an outspoken energy, a dogged pursuit of what’s right despite the cost to yourself – whatever makes up the definition of courage to you. Look for these chances to call up your courage from within. When we get in the habit of connecting with this part of ourselves on a small scale it’s easier to engage it during those times we really need it, like, say, turning our back on the past and bravely marching into an uncharted future.

To give you added inspiration – words of courage from sources who know something about it:

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. ~Harold Wilson

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says... I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey

Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway. ~Robert Anthony

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. ~Tori Amos

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. ~Winston Churchill

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Courage is not defined by those who fought and did not fall, but by those who fought, fell and rose again. ~Anonymous

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing. ~Anonymous

True courage is not the absence of fear -- but the willingness to proceed in spite of it. ~Anonymous

(photo: elvy)

PTSD Healing Resolution #1: Are You Committed?

Mark Twain said, "Courage is resistance to and mastery of fear – not the absence of it."

How are you feeling these days? Are you afraid? Well, of course you are, at least a little. You’re about to radically change your life – for the better! Even if we’re looking at a bright new future there’s always that little twinge of the unknown, that small flip of doubt that we’re safe in what we know and unsure of what we don’t know and maybe things are better that way. (Really? Are you really still thinking that? Do you truly want to spend the rest of your life mired in PTSD muck?? I didn’t think so.)

In order to move forward we have to take the strength of our healing intention and build it into reality. This takes commitment, which is the theme of the BRIDGE THE GAP posts this week.

First, let’s assess the level of your commitment. The way I see it there are four categories of commitment:

False commitment: This is the first phase in which we think about what needs to be done and we are overwhelmed. We say, "Yes, I want to heal!", but what we really mean is, "Yes, that’s a nice idea!" We don’t actually intend to do the necessary work.

Half-hearted commitment: A better phase on the commitment continuum, to be sure, but not a lot gets done here. We make the appointments, we show up for the therapies, but all along we’re saying to everyone, "Heal me!" We don’t take the responsibility on ourselves.

Whole-hearted commitment: Now we’re moving up on the commitment food chain! We’re doing the research to find the right therapy, therapist, group, and program. We’re studying up on what’s happening to us PTSD-wise so that we understand where the problems germinate and what affects them. We're taking control instead of constantly being controlled. Whoopee!

True commitment: Hallelujah! At this level we're devoting our deepest selves to the healing process. We are saying, "I want to be healed!" In addition to understanding the value of participating in the work that’s done without, we’re also deeply engaged in the work that’s done within and we're doing it every day.

Where do you fall in the commitment continuum? Take some time today to think about how deeply your desire to be well goes. What will you do to achieve it? Will you chase down that new therapist? Will you read one more book about trauma and PTSD and how to heal? Will you totally dismantle your PTSD self and reconstruct a new and improved, post-trauma identity that allows you to get on with living the life you were meant to be living?

Be honest in your appraisal of which commitment phase you’re in. And then, make a list of what things you will have to do to move to the next phase. Don’t try to leapfrog phases. The best healing comes organically when we progress through a series of moves that build on each other. Trauma severed us from a logical progression of change; healing is built one natural piece at a time so that the change becomes who we are, not a splintered effect of who we could be.

(photo: Koog Family)