Meandering Michele's Mind: PTSD is a Hard Habit to Break

I hear over and over that 98% of what we do every day is by habit. And I read recently that 95% of the population is habituated. The psych community has assured us it takes 21 days to form a habit. And the breaking habits pros say it takes just as long to replace bad habits with good.

All this has me thinking about how those numbers apply to the PTSD experience. As in:

To what extent do and have we become 1) habituated to PTSD and, 2) habitual in our PTSD so that these involuntary actions and reactions are part of our unconscious approach to every day?

And if (as of course, we do) we say that, yes, PTSD has become habitual, then doesn’t that mean that another way we can strive to overcome it is by breaking the PTSD habit??

I did some research; there’s actually a lot of info out there about how to break a habit. Check out these step by step guides:

How To Break A Habit

How To Break A Bad Habit

Bad Choices, Bad Habits

12 Proven Steps to Break Any Habit in 21 Days

And then let me know what you think. 21 days to break a regular habit might be a little ambitious for PTSD, but the theory and actions are grounded in really positive changes that we can immediately put into effect.

Without thinking about it all this clearly, my decision to pursue joy was a way to break the PTSD habit. And it worked. In spades.

Which makes me think that an additional therapuetic tool can be consciously taking actions to break the PTSD habit. Do you agree, or disagree?

(Photo: Colin Key)

Coping With PTSD: Communicating With The Outside World

It’s been a busy weekend here at PTSD Central. I spent a lot of time working on the Heal My PTSD, LLC, web site, which by the way, I could use your input on. Please visit this post to join the conversation about how we, as survivors, define PTSD.

Also, for those of you dealing with PTSD from child abuse, check out Wendy’s totally cool comment on Friday’s post about how to find a good PTSD therapy group related to this issue.

Lastly, Jill Landefeld, a trauma survivor and EMDR practitioner wrote a great guest post about her personal and professional experience with EMDR. Just another peek behind the curtain of healing. (I’ll give you a hint, EMDR worked for her.)

Now that we’re up to date, there’s new topic in town: Healing Resolution # 5: I WILL EDUCATE THOSE AROUND ME.

The education of non-PTSDers is an incredibly important part of PTSD healing. For the past month we’ve thoroughly educated ourselves about PTSD symptoms, causes, effects and treatments. However, living and coping with – and healing – PTSD means that the people around us need to be educated, too. They need to understand what’s going on with us, has gone on with us, and will go on with us as we live and heal the aftereffects of our traumas.

The approach here is twofold: 1) those around and supporting us need to clinically understand PTSD, 2) they need to hear what PTSD means and is for us experientially. The more informed our friends, family, colleagues and partners are the better we can communicate our needs, and the better they can adapt to our struggle and find positive and proactive ways to support us. PTSD feels scary and out of control and completely foreign to us – imagine what it feels like for those watching from the outside.

A little case in point: By the time I was 25 (12 years after my trauma) I was deep into struggling with unrecognized PTSD symptoms. On a particularly weary day I unintentionally really disturbed my mother (in the middle of a discussion about my depression and struggle with The Thing We Did Not Know Had A Name) by telling her that:

“There are 5 women in my head.”

Understandably, this idea terrifically alarmed my mom. But I wasn’t thinking about her in the moment I made that statement. I was thinking of how hard I was struggling to figure out which of those 5 women I was supposed to be. It didn’t occur to me to clarify for her a concept that I found pretty damn unwieldy.

But if I had thought about my mother and how this comment would sound to her, and if I had considered that we need to choose our words carefully when we try to explain our situation, I would have taken the time to explain what I was feeling this way:

“Since my trauma my identity seems to have splintered into several fragments. I don’t have separate personalities, just individual selves that represent different reactions to what occurred. There’s the survivor self, the wounded self, the warrior-healer self, the traumatized self and the nihilistic self. I no longer have a grip on one single identity; I don’t know which of these selves I’m supposed to be.”

That sort of paragraph would have begun trying to explain the chaos going on in my head. But in the PTSD pain and fog I didn’t bother to explain; I bottomlined and paraphrased and expected my mother to somehow magically intuit and understand what I meant, and then, because she’s my mom somehow find a way to help me with it and make it better. This isn’t, of course, exactly the best way to handle the people in our lives who stand by us when we’re injured. If we don’t effectively communicate and educate others all that happens is that then there are 2 people who are completely bereft and confused where there used to be just one.

Over the next month PTSD U will continue by looking at ways and means of educating those around us not only about PTSD itself, but about our personal experience of it, plus how to help and support us in our struggle to heal. From clinical fact to personal approaches we’re going to tackle how to communicate with and unify our healing team, plus the world at large that may not be in our inner circle but has to interact with us anyway. There are many reasons to spread the word about PTSD awareness. A very major one is this: Educating the world can help us heal.

Have you figured out a good way to communicate and explain the PTSD experience? Leave a comment or shoot me an email.

Professional Perspective: Adding A Resource Person

Julie Levin (MFT, CHT) specializes in relief from anxiety and related behaviors in both individuals and couples. Recently, I asked her what she thought made survivors resilient. Her answer:

"One of the things I'm becoming aware of as I use EMDR more is the importance of a 'resource' person ... or a person who believes in the survivor and ideally loves or cares about him/her. I think this is a big factor in resiliency."

I found this idea interesting and asked Julie to elaborate. While her answer below applies to EMDR, the theory of a resource person can be applied and employed in any kind of therapy.

Sometimes clients get stuck when doing EMDR. They get into a loop or go blank, and the technique of recalibrating - going back to the old belief and getting a measurement, then re-starting the EMDR process - doesn't seem to be working. When I studied EMDR with Philip Manfield, he introduced us to the concept of a "Resource Person", the mental image of someone who knows and cares about the client, who can imaginatively step into the process and offer guidance or support.

The client is asked to think of someone who is safe, respectful, nurturing and loving. Often a grandparent or teacher will come to mind. Clients are discouraged from using immediate family members because often there is some ambivalence. When clients can't think of a real person, I broaden the question to include anyone, a celebrity, an historical figure, or a spiritual figure who would know their new belief was 100% true if they ever met. Most clients can come up with someone. Some clients will come up with several people and I incorporate them as one resource, like a cheering squad.

Philip recommends "installing" the resource with two or three short (10-12 reps), faster rounds of EMDR while the client holds an image of the resource person in their mind. I've found that I can even ask a stuck client to think of someone and just invite the resource into their processing right in the middle of things. So a client is stuck and says, "I can't get past this belief" or "I keep going blank" and I say, "Who do you know that knows your true self and still loves you?" They come up with someone, and I say, "Good, bring that person with you into the stuck place." This is usually enough to get the therapeutic process going again.

Clients know exactly what they need. The image of the resource person allows them to access and accept guidance, encouragement, support - or whatever is needed at that point. People usually have a strong mental image of this person who knows something about their value, strength, resilience, or even a more accurate perspective on the trauma than they have. And this resource helps them get past blocks or resistance.

I've become more creative with the resource person, incorporating it at the end of an EMDR session, when the client is locking in the new belief. "Hear your resource person telling you ______" (insert new belief here). I have clients tell me that their resource person becomes an active part of their inner dialogue long after an EMDR session. Juicy stuff.

I love the idea of a resource person. It's sort of a way to allow our own inner voice to have a say even when we don't trust it. By giving the voice to someone we do trust our own instincts can develop strength.

So, what do you think? Do you have a resource person? Would you try this tactic? Do you feel it would be useful? Leave a comment with your thoughts.

'Professional Perspective' is a weekly feature highlighting a therapist or other healing oriented practitioner's view of some positive aspect in the healing process. If you'd like to contribute, please email me with ideas, topics, and suggestions: parasitesof.themind @ yahoo.com.

(Photo: Julie Levin)

PTSD Treatment: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Continuing our educational exploration of PTSD treatment options, next up on the list: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). One of the most prevalent therapies for healing trauma, CBT is based on the premise that changing the way we think changes the way we behave. It’s all about thought monitoring, baby; learning to hear your own internal dialogue, recognize when it’s skewed, and become adept at implementing tools that intercept the bad thoughts and replace them with good. Sounds easy, no?

Actually, it is pretty easy. A quick example: my trauma was medical, which meant ever afterward any medical situation had me shaking like a leaf, tongue-tied, unable to communicate and an emotional bowl of jelly. Henry taught me to pre-empt my total emotional disintegration by cultivating awareness. When I felt myself getting uptight and anxious, I had to recognize and act on it, not accept and flow with it. A really useful technique he taught me was this: When I began feeling anxious in a situation, Henry told me to sit down in a chair, back straight, feet planted firmly parallel on the floor about a foot apart. I was told to place my hands on my thighs, palm down and take a deep breath. This posture – straight spine, flat feet, hands open – sends a subconscious message to the body of being grounded, which translates to the mind as a state of strength, peace and control. I began using this tool in every medical appointment and was surprised to see how effectively it worked.

So, as CBT teaches us to consciously engage in the moment of our own thoughts it can be a useful tool in our coping & healing bag of tricks. Most importantly, it engages us in the moment, which we often tend not to do on our own. Dissociation was a huge issue for me; CBT helped me begin finding a way to stay present, and to positively manage that present, too, which was a whole new world for me.

Digging a little deeper: As defined by Answers.com in a really great article that even explains the historical evolution of CBT, this thought provoking modality “is an action-oriented form of psychosocial therapy that assumes that maladaptive, or faulty, thinking patterns cause maladaptive behavior and "negative" emotions. (Maladaptive behavior is behavior that is counter-productive or interferes with everyday living.) The treatment focuses on changing an individual's thoughts (cognitive patterns) in order to change his or her behavior and emotional state.”

According to the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy (AICT), "In a recent national study of the general population, researchers found that 48 % of the population has had a psychiatric disorder during their lifetime. The most common class of disorders was anxiety disorders, accounting for 25 % of the population.” Always nice to know we’re part of a bigger pool, not the odd duck paddling around a puddle of no consequence. And also, nice to know we’re included in a group that can be helped by a specific psychological approach.

An interesting intro to PTSD/CBT from the AICT:

How does cognitive-behavioral therapy for PTSD help?

There are three steps to recovering from PTSD. First, your therapist will teach you ways to cope with the feelings and tension that come with the memories. These include ways to relax your body and to take your mind off the pain.

Second, your therapist will help you face the memories. He or she will guide you in retelling the story of what happened. The more you do this, the less upsetting the memories will become and the more you will be able to find a sense of peace.

Finally, your therapist will teach you ways to change negative thinking and handle problems in your life.

A number of studies have found that cognitive-behavioral therapy helps people with PTSD feel better. These studies have included combat veterans as well as victims of rape, assault, and other traumas.

How long is therapy for PTSD?

How long treatment lasts depends on how many traumas you suffered and how severe they were, how bad your symptoms are now, and how many other problems you are having in your life. For people who have been through a single traumatic event, 12 to 20 sessions are usually enough. Most of these sessions will be 45 to 50 minutes long, but a few may be as long as 90 minutes.

In addition to learning thought monitoring techniques, according to Psychiatric News the benefits of CBT include,

In terms of psychotherapies for PTSD, the various cognitive-behavioral therapies, particularly exposure therapy and cognitive restructuring, seem to be the most solidly evidence-supported treatments… Exposure therapy helps a person confront the memory of a psychological trauma in a therapeutic manner and come to terms with it. Cognitive restructuring enables a person to identify negative, irrational beliefs having to do with a psychological trauma and to replace them with truthful, rational beliefs…. In the opinion of Barbara Rothbaum, Ph.D., a leading PTSD-treatment researcher at Emory University in Atlanta, exposure therapy is supported by the strongest scientific evidence. Twelve studies back it.

So, there you go: a quick overview of CBT and its worth in the PTSD healing mix. For further reading and info check out:

CBT Definition & History

CBT Overview

National Association of Cognitive Behavioral Therapists - includes a free newsletter of techniques

Introduction to CBT Theory & Approach

A list of CBT references & links

The cognitive, behavioral, emotional approach of CBT - definitions

CBT in the Treatment of PTSD – military perspective

Data Back CBT for PTSD Treatment - clinical research about CBT efficacy.

Have you used CBT during your healing journey? Share your experience by leaving a comment.

(Photo: catscape)

PTSD Healing: Let's Talk - About the Couch

For the next couple of weeks I want to really take this idea of education and drill down into the most popular available treatments so that we learn, hear and see just what, exactly, they have to offer. During my healing I tried all of the most popular techniques, so I can tell you my experience mixed with the theory and facts of each approach. Since it’s the place where most of us begin, I’ll start with psychotherapy.

I went into traditional talk therapy kicking and (not talking but) screaming. I was not a talker. I was a hold-everything-inside-and-to-myselfer. I never spoke about my trauma or divulged the pain in which I lived. I raged and that was all you’d get if you asked me what was wrong. Off with your head! And then I disappeared down my own rabbit hole. I was 30 when I began therapy, which means 17 years had passed since my trauma.

I wound up in therapy before my PTSD diagnosis. As my PTSD experience progressed and became wildly out of control my coping mechanisms and strategies began to fail. The more emotionally unstable I became the more my body began to manifest physical illnesses that mirrored the deterioration of my mental state, plus aspects of my original trauma. Finally, I was one very sick woman in both body and soul. So sick, in fact, that I required constant medical care and lost my job because I was too ill to work.

After about a year of this total disintegration it was my mother who – despite my screaming to leave me alone – found a therapist for me to speak with. The original intent was that I find someone to help me learn to cope with chronic illness. The focus was on helping me find a way to hold myself together while everything around and about me fell apart. I finally agreed to therapy one dark December day 1998 as I stood on the corner of Park Avenue and 52nd street in Manhattan, having a meltdown, sobbing hysterically, frightened by my physical and mental ill health and unable to get a grip.

OK, so not everyone has to be hit over the head to realize they need help. I am that kind of person; you don’t have to be. The benefit of therapy before you have a meltdown is that you can… well… perhaps avert the meltdown and so your healing doesn’t have to begin on the level of micro-organisms. You can begin your ascension to health a little higher up on the food chain than I did.

Later today I’ll post about my first meeting with my therapist. It’s a chapter from my forthcoming memoir about living and coping with – and healing – PTSD. For those of you who haven’t yet gotten yourself into the chair, you’ll see it’s not so bad, and that many good things can come out of it.

For now, let’s get a little clinical in our understanding of psychotherapy and its place in the healing mix. A definition of psychotherapy provided by MSN Encarta is as follows:

“…treatment of individuals with emotional problems, behavioral problems, or mental illness primarily through verbal communication. In most types of psychotherapy, a person discusses his or her problems one-on-one with a therapist. The therapist tries to understand the person’s problems and to help the individual change distressing thoughts, feelings, or behaviors.”

A few stats about psychotherapy:

--According to one study summarized by the APA online, 77% of people who entered therapy were better off than those who didn’t.

--91% of Americans are likely to consult or suggest that a family member consult with a mental health professional

--50% of Americans believe the stigma surrounding mental health services has decreased

--Long-term psychotherapy accounts for only 15.7% of psychotherapy

Talk therapy, as the most ubiquitous and familiar type of therapy, is a good place for PTSD sufferers to begin. In order to successfully heal, we need to find the words to describe what’s wrong, what we’re thinking, how we’re feeling and why we’re feeling it. For me this was the hardest part of healing and the thing that most impeded my progress. I could not find the words. And if I could, I could not speak them. I had a terrific fear that saying anything aloud would completely decimate me. I could barely hold myself together when I wasn't speaking; I utterly believed I’d lose my fragile grip on sanity if I had to put it all in language and share it with someone else. Plus, I didn't want to be pitied and I didn't want to appear weak. I was a survivor, after all. I had an image to uphold!

But these are ridiculous thoughts when PTSD is strangling our lives. When we find the right person to talk to in the right environment where we feel safe, secure, unjudged and supported the words can be coaxed and the mind can find the strength to face what needs to be faced and this is a strong act. It ain’t easy, but it's necessary. There were many days that were worse in the short-term because I was putting all this awful stuff on the table. But the long-term benefits included a clarity that was unexpected. The amorphous stuff in my head finally began to take shape: I finally regained an iota of control over what I was thinking and that is powerful stuff.

I don’t believe traditional talk therapy can heal PTSD. Talking exists too much and too completely in the conscious realm and I believe the crux of healing PTSD lies in a major perceptual shift in the deeper subconscious realm. But it’s a vital place to begin. In the way that psychotherapy helps us give language to our experience, I believe it is the perfect place to commence recovering our own personal power, and paving the way to reach that part of the mind that lies below the 12% of our conscious experience the world.

Trauma takes away the words. A survivor wrote me recently that trauma and PTSD are a ‘silent scream’ – and I thought, Yes!.

In order to heal we have to break the silence. With the right therapist, psychotherapy gives us tools for learning to how do that.

For further reading:

1 – An overview of psychotherapy on Encarta

2 – ‘The Risks and Benefits of Psychotherapy’ – a great (and short) summary by Joyce Nash, PhD.

3 - ‘To Reap Psychotherapy’s Benefits, Get a Good Fit’ – A terrific article by Howard Friedman in the New York Times about the importance of finding the right therapist.

4 - American Therapy: The Rise of Psychotherapy in America – This new book by Jonathan Engle traces the evolution of American mental healthcare covering contributions of personalities, theories and techniques in psychiatry, psychology and social work.


What’ s been your experience with psychotherapy? Has it helped? What’s been the biggest benefit for you? Leave a comment or shoot me an email.

(Photo: maryanna)

PTSD Healing: PTSD U Has Officially Opened

Sometimes I wish someone would found PTSD U – a university for the study of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms, causes, effects, treatments and everyting in between!

PTSD is so vast and diverse in the population it would take the equivalent of studying for a degree to learn about the biomolecular, anthropological, civic, statistical, psychological, physiological, historical, international, social, literary and educational aspects of it. Right there you’ve got an entirely well-rounded college course curriculum!

Until a big endowment opens the doors to such a program (and gives us all scholarships to attend), we’ll have to take on the course development ourselves. Let’s start with everyone’s favorite: statistics

So, you’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. Immediately you need to know your place in the universe. Statistics help your brain visualize, categorize, and understand the group to which you now belong, which can be summarized this way on Medicine.net:

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an emotional illness that develops as a result of a terribly frightening, life-threatening, or otherwise highly unsafe experience. PTSD sufferers re-experience the traumatic event or events in some way, tend to avoid places, people, or other things that remind them of the event (avoidance), and are exquisitely sensitive to normal life experiences (hyperarousal).

Although this condition has likely existed since human beings have endured trauma, PTSD has only been recognized as a formal diagnosis since 1980. However, it was called by different names as early as the American Civil War, when combat veterans were referred to as suffering from "soldier's heart."

In World War I, symptoms that were generally consistent with PTSD were referred to as "combat fatigue." Soldiers who developed such symptoms in World War II were said to be suffering from "gross stress reaction," and many who fought in Vietnam who had symptoms of what is now called PTSD were assessed as having "post-Vietnam syndrome."

PTSD has also been called "battle fatigue" and "shell shock." Complex posttraumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) usually results from prolonged exposure to a traumatic event or series thereof and is characterized by long-lasting problems with many aspects of emotional and social functioning.

I've pulled the following stats from a variety of articles, trauma organizations and trauma centers.

General Stats

- 70 percent of adults in the U.S. have experienced a traumatic event at least once in their lives.

- Up to 20% of these people go on to develop PTSD. (Since there’s always math in statistics, a little word problem: As of today the U.S. population count = 306,126,644. If you eliminate children and teens what’s the maximum number of people who will experience PTSD? Now, remember the number grows every day.)

- An estimated 5% of Americans – that’s 15 million people – has PTSD at any given time.

- An estimated 1 out of 10 women develops PTSD; women are about twice as likely as men.

- Among people who are victims of a severe traumatic experience 60 – 80% will develop PTSD.

- Almost 50% of all outpatient mental health patients have PTSD.

- Somewhat higher rates of this disorder have been found to occur in African Americans, Hispanics, and Native Americans compared to Caucasians in the United States.


Combat PTSD

- Lifetime occurrence (prevalence) in combat veterans 10 – 30%.

- In the past year alone the number of diagnosed cases in the military jumped 50% – and that’s just diagnosed cases.

- Studies estimate that 1 in every 5 military personnel returning from Iraq and Afghanistan has PTSD.

- 19% of the soldiers who’ve been deployed in the past 6 years has PTSD. That’s over 300,00.

- Doing the breakdown by war:

Iraq = 12 – 20% returning vets have PTSD

Afghanistan = 6 – 11% returning vets have PTSD


Children & PTSD

- As many as 30 – 60% of children who have survived specific disasters have PTSD.

- Up to 100% of all children who see a parent killed will develop PTSD.

Adolescents & PTSD

- Up to more than 40% have experienced a traumatic event.

- Development of PTSD = 15% in girls, 6% in boys

- 3 – 6% of high school students in the U.S. who survive specific disaster develop PTSD.

- More than 33% of youths exposed to community violence with experience PTSD.

BRIDGE THE GAP EXERCISE:

The first class of any course is usually short – it gives an overview of the syllabus and then you’re supposed to read the first 4 chapters of the textbook before the next meeting.

Your homework is to dig up your own stats for the segment of the PTSD community in which you live. This can be done by a simple Google search – and then lots of reading!

When you discover statistical facts that are not listed here, leave a comment or shoot me an email. The more we pool our knowledge the more the entire PTSD community learns and heals.

(Photo: inju)

FREE Self-Hypnosis Teleseminar Tonight

Just in case you feel like stepping out of the box and experiencing something very relaxing and healing.....

Michelle A. Payton, Ph.D. offers a FREE teleseminar tonight: Self-Hypnosis to Create Life Success, 12 March, 9pm EST

This one-hour immersion on Self-Hypnosis takes the mystery out of this process so you can shape an even more positive reality right now. To register at no cost, click here. [Note: Normal long distance charges apply.]

Meandering Michele’s Mind: 18 Tips For Coping With A Flashback

If you’ve read my post ‘25 Things About My PTSD’ you know that like many PTSDers one of my prevalent PTSD symptoms was flashbacks. And if you read the post you know that the flashback I most often got caught in was the moment I felt myself leave my body.

The truth is, in the original experience of that moment during my trauma, I didn’t want to come back. I wanted to keep going into the tunnel and abandon my body forever. Later, then, it was a strange flashback in which to be stuck. Non-violent and peaceful, the memory stole over me at odd moments without a definitive trigger and the next thing I knew, I was back in that place, hovering ½ way between my physical body and a black tunnel, reliving the panic and fear of the moments prior to my escape, and then lingering in the peace of that ultimate disconnection from the world around me. Suspended there, my mind shut down and I sank into the deep, despondent wish that I could get back to the tunnel and leave behind the rest of the PTSD hell in which I lived.

Not easy, as we all know, to cope and carry on when intense moments of the past overwhelm us. I’ve been thinking, lately, how much we all struggle to control the flashback experience – or not control it. Since my PTSD experience was undiagnosed for 25 years, I just accepted that this memory would bowl me over weekly, would, itself, hover over me on a daily basis and that was just the way things would be. I didn’t develop strategies or coping mechanisms for it. I let it wash over me, felt myself float away, and knew at some point I’d come back. It was easy to live like this since the flashback wasn’t violent in nature.

But for many survivors flashbacks are a big issue that becomes physiological and destructive in its experience. We need a ‘To Do’ list for interrupting the flow; a list of strategies to reconnect us to the present moment.

This week, I’ve been on the task. I’ve polled some PTSD friends. Today, I give you a collective list of what ten PTSDers do to stop a flashback in its tracks:

1. Count 1 - 10 slowly; repeat until the flashback ends.

2. Practice breathing techniques to reconnect the body to the mind.

3. Focus on one of the five senses, i.e. slowly look at what's around you and notice the details; take a deep breath and smell the air; chew a piece of gum and taste the fresh flavor; put your hands together and feel the skin; listen to the sound of traffic.

4. Let the flashback flow and view it as you would a movie, as if you are removed from it and it is appearing on a screen. You are in the present moment; the flashback is a separate event.

5. Snap an elastic band around your wrist.

6. Hold onto an ice cube.

7. Put a squeeze of toothpaste into your mouth (very unique texture/taste/smell).

8. Take a swig of vanilla extract.

9. Stomp your feet.

10. Say the alphabet backwards.

11. Journal. "Put it in a box" and put the box away.

12. Smelling peppermint oil (helps with head-aches, nausea, and jolts the senses).

13. Reach out. Talk with someone.

14. Surround yourself with things that help ground you (clocks, calendars, music).

15. Develop a channel for safe venting if/when necessary. In the words of one survivor: “I used to take old jars from the fridge and smash them against a brick wall several blocks from my home, slamming a door, or screaming at the top of my lungs when no-one could hear me.”

16. Stretching, Yoga, biking, running, walking, or working out.

17. Counting without limit – begin counting when it starts and don’t stop until the memory recedes.

18. For this last tip, I’m going to post the words of a vet, but any civilian can use the technique, too, by substituting his/her triggering sound: “The sound of a huey chopper would set off a flashback, so the therapist had me install a huey sound file on my computer and listen to it over and over. My anxiety still goes high at the sound but now no flashbacks.”

What tips, tricks and strategies do you use? Add to this community resource by leaving a comment.

(Photo: Ewan-M)

PTSD Healing Round Up: Reaching Out of the Frame

There are many ways we can approach healing the symptoms of PTSD. In the spirit of this month’s healing resolution, 4 interesting opportunities for you to reach out and engage in the healing process:

1. Michelle A. Payton, Ph.D. offers a FREE Self-Hypnosis to Create Life Success Tele-immersion, 12 March, 9ESt

Have you been interested in Self-Hypnosis, but don’t understand how it can work for you? Did you know that you are already experiencing Self-Hypnosis everyday? This one-hour immersion on Self-Hypnosis takes the mysteryout of this process so you can shape an even more positivereality now.

To register at now at no cost, click here.

You will also be given an opportunity to ask a question!

[Note: Normal long distance charges apply.]


2. Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention Group in a live online classroom starts April 20, 2009

STAY SOBER MINDFULLY! Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention (MBRP) presents MBRP in a live online video/classroom! Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention (MBRP) is an 8-week psycho-educational class specifically created for clients in recovery from substance use disorders and is designed to help prevent future relapse.

MBRP uses empirically supported interventions from Dr. Alan Marlatt's Relapse Prevention Therapy (RPT), Jon Kabat-Zinn's Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). This MBRP group will be facilitated by Lisa Dale Miller, MFT, mindfulness-based psychotherapist and member of Dr. Marlatt's MBRP training team.

The MBRP curriculum integrates mindfulness meditation practices with cognitive-behavioral strategies to support clients and promote vital lifestyle modifications for a healthy life of recovery. The program teaches effective skills to reduce stress, manage urges and cravings, and cultivate compassion and acceptance.

Participants will be expected to do daily home practice. All participants must have at least 30 days of active sobriety.

STARTS April 20, 2009

Mondays April 20, 27, May 4, 11, 18, June 1, 8, 15, 6:00pmEDT-8:00pmEDT (5:00pmCDT/4:00pmMDT/3:00pmPDT)

Saturday Retreat, May 30 12:00pmEST-5:00pmEST (11:00amCST/10:00amMST/9:00amPST)

Pre-registration is required.

Course Fee $425 (includes meditation CDs and MBRP handouts)

[CMEs are available for all MD's, psychologists, nurses, and nurse practitioners. CEUs for MFT's & LCSW's (California only.) ]

3. I came across this interesting site that has Therapy Worksheets.

4. Finally, an odd but fun thing to do:

“Discover how PTSD shows in your handwriting and what you can do about the subconscious stuff in your way today !” BlogTalkRadio show will talk about http://www.writtenescape.com/.

Ms. Treyce d’Gabriel, President of Center of Forensic Profiling, hosts a radio show about handwriting analysis. She is planning a PTSD-themed show on March 26th. If you would like to submit a PTSD handwriting sample (anonymously and cross off any identifying information) please submit via email or fax to:

Ms. Treyce d’Gabriel, President
Center of Forensic Profiling
P.O. Box 484
Glendale, AZ 85311-0484
Ph/Fax: 623-298-1998
http://www.treyce.com/
http://www.writtenescape.com/
http://www.handwritingradioshow.com/


(Photo: Mint Icetea)

25 Things About My PTSD

My friend over at Catatonic Kid tagged me with a meme: ‘25 Things About You’. Usually, I don’t play the tag game, but I thought it might be fun to apply it to PTSD.

So, here they are: 25 Things About My PTSD:

1 – My trauma occurred in 1981; one year after PTSD was officially recognized as a psychological disorder; many years before anyone would consider it applicable to people outside of the military.

2 – For over 20 years my hair fell out by the handful on the anniversary of my trauma.

3 – My most prevalent flashback was the moment I felt myself leave my body; and then chose to come back into it.

4 – My trauma was due to a rare illness that none of my doctors had ever seen before; they didn’t know how to help me. My most prevalent nightmare: people are dying and it is all up to me, but I don’t know how to help and cannot save them.

5 – I didn’t speak about my trauma for 4 years afterward. And then I spoke once, and went silent again for 14 years.

6 – I tried psychotherapy, cognitive behavior therapy, EMDR, TFT, TAT, EFT, Chinese healing, reflexology, chiropracty and energy healing. While they alleviated some of my symptoms so that I became functional, they didn’t eradicate my PTSD.

7 – For 20 years I became extremely anorexic in order to control my body so that I felt safe.

8 – I only dated men I knew I would leave so that I didn’t have to get close to anyone.

9 – After college I held 11 jobs in 15 years in 5 industries because I could not focus in one place for more than a year, or decide what career I wanted.

10 – I spent over 2 years out of work with an extreme case of fibromyalgia.

11 – My insomnia was so bad I slept an average 2-3 hours per night.

12 – I’d been a nice kid before PTSD set in. Afterward, I was always on edge, angry, sullen and in a raging fury at the slightest provocation.

13 – At the height of my PTSD I cried anywhere anytime. Could just be walking Baylee in Central Park, or on line in the grocery store, or catching a plane. The environment didn’t matter, the tears would begin and I was powerless to stop them.

14 – I struggled with undiagnosed chronic-extreme PTSD for over 25 years.

15 – For 15 years I suffered from mysterious illnesses no doctor could diagnose or cure. (Sound familiar, like, say, my original trauma?) All of these illnesses approximated aspects of the original illness, although they were not as drastic.

16 – Illnesses kept me in a constant state of being triggered so that eventually the physical toll on my body included liver, stomach and intestine dysfunction, plus an advanced state of fibromyalgia and osteoporosis.

17 – The turn in my healing came the day I: 1) realized I was living in a state of perpetual fear, 2) decided I would not accept that my life would continue to be destroyed by PTSD.

18 – As part of my healing I researched trauma and PTSD. Here’s what I learned: Their effects on us are reversible.

19 – A large part of my healing came from deliberately constructing a post-trauma identity: I worked very hard to define and focus on becoming the person I want to be today and tomorrow despite what happened to me yesterday.

20 – I pursued joy as part of my healing program. For me, this meant dancing all the time! The more joy I felt the more courage I had to do the healing work, the more I believed I could eventually be PTSD-free.

21 – It took 3 LOOONNNGGG years to heal after I was finally diagnosed. Things got worse before they got better.

22 – Healing really began when I stopped saying to everyone, ‘Heal me!’ and started saying, ‘I want to be healed!’

23 – Within one year after deciding I wanted to be healed – and doing the post-trauma identity work – all of my physical symptoms cured themselves. That’s right: liver, stomach and intestine problems healed. Osteoporosis reversed (I gave it a boost by doing strength training when the fibromyalgia finally left me).

24 – Hypnotherapy ultimately got rid of the symptoms I couldn’t eradicate myself: nightmares and a driving sense of anxiety that I had to make something meaningful come out of my trauma.

25 – I am now into my second year of being 100% PTSD-free.


I have bridged the gap – so can you!


I’m tagging all of you, readers! Post your own list in the comments, or send it to me and I’ll post it – anonymously if you prefer.

(photo: hannah.aviva)

Healing PTSD: Ten Reasons Not to Talk About It; And the One Reason You Really, Really Should

So, here we are, into February. Welcome to the month of my birth and my original motivation to heal my PTSD (I was determined to be PTSD-free by my 40th birthday).

The second month of the year means we’re onto Resolution No. 2 on our list of 12 Healing PTSD Resolutions for 2009. For the next month we’ll focus on the following healing resolution: I WILL TALK. So, exercise that jaw, warm up that tongue, for the next four weeks your quest to progress healing depends on how loosely you let the language flow.

I know this isn’t easy. By the time I was released from the hospital my lip lockdown had already begun. I could not talk about what I had experienced – for so many reasons:

One, I was overwhelmed by what had happened during my illness and could not effectively process all of that emotion at once.

Two, I was overwhelmed by the ferocity of the emotions themselves. I had never felt so strongly or fiercely and didn’t know what to do with the near-to-crazy feeling that kind of emotion brought on.

Three, I was terrified by what had occurred and could not assimilate that continued feeling of terror into a normal minute.

Four, I was so very afraid of trying to speak about what I thought, felt, experienced and endured. Letting it all stay cooped up in the dark of my mind seemed safer than letting it out into the light of my new, moving forward day.

Five, I was on the brink of a great psychological meltdown. I was certain that trying to examine everything would bring on an episode that would completely annihilate the thin thread by which my sanity was hanging.

Six, I didn’t have the vocabulary for explaining how I felt or what I had experienced.

Seven, I didn’t know how anyone would react to what I had to say. I thought people would be … unable to embrace the fact that, for example, I had experienced leaving my body.

Eight, I wanted to pretend my illness had never happened. Simply, I wanted to exit the hospital and leave behind – as my parting gift – all of my memories, thoughts and experiences. (A nice idea; it doesn’t work.)

Nine, I thought moving on was strong. I thought moving beyond trauma meant not having to talk about it. I thought being brave meant immediately letting go of the experience, which included eliminating any impulse to have a chat about it.

Ten, I thought talking would keep the past alive. Silence, I thought, would kill the beast. (Little did I know…..)

So there they are, ten of the mistaken thoughts I believed immediately following my trauma – ten of the misguided thoughts and beliefs I carried with me for the next 25 years. (And oh, what lovely, fun, happy-for-us-all years they were.) The more I stuck to this “Don’t speak!” line of thinking, the worse my PTSD became. The worse the PTSD became, the more I stuck to this thinking until the vortex of the cycle became so intense my whole world crashed. And then I rebuilt it, word by word.

But that doesn’t have to be the way you accomplish healing. There’s no reason for you to crash and burn before you begin to heal. YOU can see the error of my ways, find the similarities in your own thinking, and make the changes now that are necessary to put you on the right path.

There are many more reasons why you won’t want to talk. Feel free to list your own in the comments section below.

And then, begin to accept that for all the reasons you don’t want to speak about your trauma, here's the one reason you really, really should:

There is no way to heal if we remain in isolation, or if we allow our silence to isolate us.

This month your goal will be to break your silence – and if you’ve already broken it, to amplify your voice. Get ready, people. You'll be surprised by the sound and strength of your own voice.

(photo: Pascale PirateChickan)

PTSD Healing: 12 Resolutions for 2009

Happy New Year! And welcome to a year when you can choose how your PTSD healing will progress.

To walk beside you in your quest for wellness, beginning today PARASITES OF THE MIND will feature 3 weekly posts directly geared toward prescriptive PTSD healing methods – that is, things you can do to proactively enhance your healing experience.

In addition, 3 other weekly posts will continue to address PTSD issues of awareness, education, treatment and healing (plus whatever else seems relevant!).

So, let’s dive in. The following list of resolutions are designed to build upon each other to fortify your healing focus and help you visualize the totally healed you. Drawn from my own healing experience, these are the 12 actions that finally brought me to where I am today - PTSD-free and lovin' it.

BRIDGE THE GAP: 12 PTSD Healing Resolutions

#1 – I will create a powerful healing intention.

#2 – I will talk.

#3 – I will reach out.

#4 – I will educate myself.

#5 – I will educate those around me.

#6 – I will seek help.

#7 – I will actively change my unhealthy perceptions.

#8 – I will deliberately construct a post-trauma identity.

#9 – I will set healing goals.

#10 – I will do whatever it takes to be PTSD-free.

#11 – I will do at least one thing per day toward my healing.

#12 – I will seek joy.

Have a resolution you’d like to add to the list? Leave a comment.

Got a PTSD issue you’d like to see addressed in a post? Feel free to suggest it by contacting me: parasitesof.themind (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Let’s heal together, and then spread the word that PTSD is treatable and curable.

If you’re still not convinced I’m right about this whole possibility of healing idea, I’ll leave you with this quote from Dr. David Baldwin’s fabulous website, Trauma Information Pages:

If we "know" there can't be a cure, we'll never find out if we were wrong. That is the danger I see in arguing "Why there can be no cure for PTSD".

I’m an ex-New Yorker; for many years the motto for our beloved Mets was ‘Ya Gotta Believe’. And so do you.

(photo: mrzeising)

PTSD Healing: Moving Toward 2009

Only one day left in 2009 – one day remaining in this PTSD year in which you made no progress/some progress/tons of progress. No matter where you are on your PTSD healing timeline the new year offers the chance for a fresh, rejuvenating start.

Over the past few days we’ve taken a good look at the state of our PTSD, designed PTSD healing resolutions, and considered how to make those resolutions stick.

Tomorrow I’ll post 12 PTSD Healing New Year Resolutions for 2009 - all of which are reachable, all of which we'll explore in the upcoming months so that you inch closer and closer to freedom. But today we’ll take the day off from all this introspection and planning and leave the heavy thinking to my friend Brett Baughman (personal success coach, among other things).

An important way to prepare for change is to visualize the process, not just the old ‘if you can conceive it you can achieve it’, but an image of the entire process as a whole. One of the difficult things about achieving anything is the unexpected pitfalls and pitstops along the way. However, if we break down the process so we see where we are, and if we understand that each part of the process takes some time, then we have more focus, strength and patience.

Dr. Abraham Low, a mental health self-recovery guru, said, “If more of my patients had more patience I’d have less patients.”

So, let’s have some patience with ourselves and the healing process. In Brett’s experience of working with recovery he’s developed the following overview of the healing process, which he sees as containing these 3 simple steps:

Step #1 – We must be willing to let go of our trauma. Making a list of how negatively PTSD affects us helps us see why we should be willing to let it go, and then moves us toward the idea of giving up PTSD because we can quantitatively see the large picture of its impact.

Step #2 – We must focus on what we want. Redefining who we are plays a large role in healing PTSD. So, who are you? Not the PTSD you, but the real you lying dormant underneath? Outside of (and if it weren’t for) PTSD who do you want to be? Making a list of the things you would/could/want to do if PTSD did not exist is an excellent way to begin to see the real you waiting to be set free.

Step #3 – Recharge your therapy. It’s important that we work with people who know how to gently guide us where we need to go, rather than allow us to skirt the real issue(s) just because we’re too afraid or tired to go there. Make sure you’re working with a therapist qualified to understand the process of overcoming trauma. Make sure you’re working with someone strong enough to call you on your manipulations and diversions so you don’t waste time (or money!). If you’re looking for a new therapy adventure, find a therapist who works with Neurolinguistic Programming and its sister technique, Time Line Therapy (for a look at creator Tad James in action watch this fun(ny) video clip). Both of these techniques (in addition to hypnosis) are processes that work to reframe traumatic memories in the subconscious, retrain the brain, release negative emotions and define a new perspective – all of which allows us to plan, embody and create the future so we let go of the past.

It is possible to bridge the gap between PTSD and a joyful life – 2009 can be the year you move farther out onto the span…. Let’s cross it together.


(photo: hbomb1947)

PTSD NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS: How to Make 'Em Stick

The history of new year resolutions goes like this: The tradition goes all the way back to 153 B.C. when Janus, a mythical king of early Rome, was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.

In 2009 we also have the unique ability to look backward and forward. The problem with most PTSD experiencers is that we don’t. We only look backward – and see the past reflected in any peek into the future. In the upcoming year this must CHANGE.

I know, I know: It’s difficult to make change on the conscious level, that’s why so many of us have vowed to change our PTSD ways and failed. Well, of course it’s difficult to change! Those thoughts about change occur in our conscious mind and here’s the rub: The conscious mind only represents 12% of our entire mind. The other 88% - the subconscious - is where our motivations are housed. The 88% runs the show; if we want to affect complete change we must access this 88% through various methods (for example, EMDR, NLP and hypnosis).

But that’s not what we’re talking about today. TODAY we’re focusing on the role the 12% plays. As in: it’s important to condition the 12% to change. That’s where resolutions come in. Don’t underrate their importance in helping us focus so that we achieve PTSD freedom. The memories need to be routed out at the subconscious level, but our thoughts and actions in the 12% also have a major impact.

So….. In support of your 2009 Healing PTSD Resolution(s) (because you’re crafting it/them, right?), a few tips today about how to make that/those resolutions stick. It all begins with our vow not to be a part of the Failed New Year Resolutions statistic that states 80% of all resolutions will be broken by January 31.

We will need to concentrate on ways to avoid falling into this trap….

1 - Be confident you will succeed. We cannot achieve anything if we don’t believe in ourselves. The tough thing about PTSD is that it robs us of a sense of our own strength, identity and power. OK, we all know that. It’s time to get past it.

If you believe in nothing about yourself all year, you must only believe this: You can heal PTSD. There are many of us who have done it. You are not alone and not unique. You can join those of us who have crossed the bridge to wellness.

You must commit to doing whatever you need to build confidence in yourself: design and/or write healing affirmations, design a healing mantra to repeat during times of stress or quiet relaxation, actively work to build your self confidence.

2 – Refine your resolution so it does not feel out of reach. I like this article by Dr. Donald E. Wetmore. Once you’ve crafted your resolution, consider these 4 tips to help refine it into something that is manageable.

3 – Be nice to yourself. Making change is difficult. There are 1,00o reasons why we don’t have the patience, strength, focus, drive, etc. to kick PTSD. But there are 1,000,000 why we should, can and do. Remind yourself it’s all a process. Don’t be in a rush. Be slow and methodical. Tackle one thing at a time. Prioritize the items on your lists and attack them one by one.

Most importantly of all, make sure you stick to a mindset that supports the Herculean effort you’re making. It’s all a matter of perspective, which you can support with these new year resolution tips.

(photo: Fredden)

HOW TO MAKE A PTSD NEW YEAR RESOLUTION: Give it Some Real, Deep Thought

So, yesterday I talked about the idea of New Year Resolutions and how they can help focus us on our path to healing. And I referred to my resolution 2 years ago that got me where I am today.

But I’ll let you in on a secret: there was a big problem with my 2007 New Year Resolution: I didn’t know how to fulfill it. It was, after all, pretty vague. Just resolving that within the next year ‘I will be finished with this’ is not exactly a clear statement that puts you on a healing path to getting rid of PTSD.

Luckily, I stumbled into how to achieve my resolution when I danced, which led me to the decision to pursue joy. But your decision to become PTSD-free doesn’t have to (shouldn’t!) be so vague. In fact, according to www.Mygoals.com, a web site geared toward helping define and achieve goals, the clearer your goal the better. This article entitled “Making New Year Resolutions Count” explains the 4-step process to creating the right goals, including this tip: “Give some thought to what you really want and why you want it. What direct benefits do you hope to receive? Identifying the "why" helps you avoid setting goals for the wrong reasons.”

That, ahem, directly supports my suggestion yesterday about the lists you can make about the present so you can see exactly how you want to change the future.

Need some professional help in crafting your resolution? Check out this article – at the end of the piece are links to an online counseling center that offer resolution advice, including a FREE ONLINE THERAPY forum and online counseling to help you set your goals.

Chafing at the idea of homework? Don’t know/want/understand how to craft a healing PTSD resolution? Don’t worry – on New Years Eve I’ll post a list of 12 healing PTSD resolutions for 2009. Then, each month during the new year we’ll address one intention through a series of posts that explore the resolution and offer proactive ways to initiate achieving it.

But don’t just rely on me to do all the work. As I’ve discussed several times, each of us must participate in our own healing; we must feed the desire to be well. That’s the only way healing will be achieved.

So, it’s Sunday, a good day to relax, reflect and reconsider how you will live the upcoming year. Get to it! Freedom is not far away.


(photo: dark and broody)

PTSD: Holiday Recovery, Part 1

I flew back from California late last night. I arrived home around 2am after 12 hours of travel and weather delays and a long drive back from Fort Lauderdale’s airport. Suffice it to say, I’m a little tired this morning.

But here’s what I’m thinking: I feel good. I’m so surprised and taken aback by this idea I’m like a kid with a toy; I can’t stop playing with it. I can’t stop thinking about how good I feel. I make my morning cup of tea and think, “Wow, I feel good!” I make the bed, get dressed and open the shades. I walk out onto the balcony from the bedroom and pause to look at the lake behind my house and think, “I feel so good!”

This all must sound ridiculous to you, but there was a time when traveling brought me to my knees with weakness and fatigue and the general meltdown of my body. In a body that was already depleted and dysfunctioning because of PTSD - that was crippled by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and extreme Fibromyalgia - traveling just threw me into a downward spiral of epic proportions. But now here I am today having gone back and forth to San Diego twice in 5 days and when we almost missed our connecting flight in Atlanta I ran, yes, me – I ran from one terminal to another carrying an overstuffed tote bag, a laptop and two jackets. And I thought, as I was running and feeling strong and just like everyone else who was sprinting around me as we all made a mad dash for our flights, “I’m healed. I’m really healed!”

I’m still so often astonished that I am truly, finally PTSD-free. I am still so caught off guard to be healed and no longer always in pain. Every time I do something that I could not do before, or something that would not have been possible before, I’m hit over the head with grattitude and the recognition that I’m someone else now. I’m not the trauma girl anymore. Let me explain:

I always dreaded those cross country flights to visit family in San Diego. I always dreaded traveling, period, because my body just wasn’t up to it. Before I even packed my suitcase my muscles ached and my joints ground. My head hurt and my eys stung and I was bone-tired weary with just the thought of leaving the house. I boarded every plane already dreading the deep exhaustion that a day of traveling would bring, and with it, the deeper dissociation because beginning with my trauma I dealt with physical difficulty by just checking out.

By the time the trip was over and I was home again I’d be sunk into an even deeper PTSD depression because my body had me thoroughly convinced that I was, actually, every bit as weak, frail, fragile and debilitated as I thought and felt. Or more so, depending on the stress of the trip itself. Plus, the anxiety of worrying about this added to the stress I already lived with daily. Also, if I hadn’t been able to contain my anger, hide my fear, bury my sadness; if I’d spent any time during the vacation faking my feelings or defending them, then I’d be more than bone-tired weary; I’d be almost comatose with exhaustion. At least, that’s the way was for the 25 years.

But this morning I woke up as tired as a normal person who had traveled all day on the worst travel day of the year. My body’s feeling fussy from too many hours spent on an airplane, but that’s all; it needs to be stretched, it needs to get to the gym, but it doesn’t need anything more than that. And my mind is fuzzy from not enough sleep, but otherwise it’s in great shape. I’m happy this morning. As happy as I was before I made this cross-country shlep. I’m no worse for the wear and now that I’m back at home I’m jazzed and ready to resume my life, which I missed. I haven’t danced in a week. I haven’t seen Baylee. I haven’t walked on the beach.

As I woke up this morning I realized that Thanksgiving 2008 is a landmark: it is the first holiday since I was 13 that the shadow of trauma has not loomed over me, body and soul. And it is the first time I have traveled that all of my PTSD symptoms did not exaggerate and intensify my negative perceptions of myself. I was not a Foghead traipsing through the airport, I was a good traveling companion and Bret and I had fun. I contributed to the holiday dinners and festivities and, more importantly, did not feel drained, depleted or alienated by them.

All of us have so much to be thankful for: We survived our traumas; we continue to survive survival. This year I’m also thankful for the healing I have found. I am thankful that although the journey was difficult and long I believed in myself, and I believed that I could make it. I believed that freedom was possible and that I could, in fact, reconstruct myself so that I no longer live as a survivor but as a ‘joyor’. After truama I believe the most important thing for us is to feel joy so that we are reminded that our true, untraumatized selves still exist. I am thankful that this new self has emerged in me, and has lead me to you, and that together we can travel this long and winding road until we are all happy and free.

Housekeeping Snafu

Well, yesterday I set out to make the labels more comprehensive and while I might have achieved that, I also inadvertently deleted 4 posts. For those of you who are writers, you know how stomach-churning this can be!

Luckily, I had 3 of them archived, so I’ve added them back, although not in their own original posts; Blogtalk doesn’t let you backdate. And I’m going to rewrite the other post because I do have all topics archived, so I’ll repost it at a future date.

In the meantime, if you’re looking for a post and can’t find it, email me. I know where they are even if I don’t know how to make sure I never delete them again!

Oh, and if any of you are archiving posts, I’m missing the one about the right mindset for hypno; the subconscious vs. the conscious; the 88% vs. the 12%; the metaphor of me retraining Baylee as similar to the way we have to retrain our ourselves re: PTSD. It was dated around 11/7. If someone would restore that post to me I would be eternally grateful!

I’m feeling a little the way Hemingway must have felt when his first wife lost a suitcase full of all the rough drafts of the stories for his first book. He had to rewrite each one from scratch, all the while with Ezra Pound egging him on to see this as a blessing from God. I can see how Papa was peeved by this remark.

The Importance of PTSD Education, Part 1

I love radio! It’s such a fun and personable format. For those of you who missed my interview on THE VETERANS FORUM yesterday, it can be downloaded from the November 12 link at:

http://www.internetvoicesradio.com/Arch-Everett.htm

I will warn you that on the air the interviewer added to the original outline; the first 30 minutes are a detailed description of my trauma, Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis Syndrome.

Rather than subject you to this horrific and graphic description, I encourage you to fast forward the time stamp to 32:54 minutes; this is where the PTSD discussion begins. Or, all the way to 76:26, which is when the discussion turns to my ideas on healing PTSD.

One of the topics we didn’t get to discuss on air is the importance of PTSD education. Since this is an aspect of healing PTSD that I deeply believe in – the education of ourselves and of those living with, caring about and for us - I’m going to tackle it here today….

In the category of “Ooh, if only I knew then what I know now!” Or, “Why didn’t anyone ever mention that?” I offer the following story:

From the age of twenty-three to thirty-seven I was besieged by major illnesses. Epstein-Barr virus. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Celiac Disease. Mercury poisoning. Multiple sinus infections that finally lead to emergency surgery when the infection reached the brain barrier. My body was a host of various, uncontrollable problems. Then I took an antibiotic for a sinus infection and suffered an extremely adverse reaction to it.

Let’s pause for a moment here just to be clear:

In 1981 I took a routine antibiotic and suffered an extremely adverse reaction to it. Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis Syndrome is a rare illness (.5/million people annually); most doctors have never seen it, they do not know how to diagnose it, and it cannot be stopped. Once the illness begins there is no treatment for it; in worst case scenarios like my own, the victim becomes a full body second degree burn patient. We are given burn victim protocol and allowed to ride out the illness. The mortality rate is 40 - 70%. The biggest difference between life and death in this illness is the level of care.

In 1997, while the antibiotic adverse reaction was not as significant, it laid me up for a week. Just long enough for those parasites in my mind to go wild with an ecstatic source of their own nourishment. Another antibiotic, another reaction, another medical surprise, another fear, another trigger…. It was like a drunken frat party in my head.

While the reaction finally ceased, something in my body had been triggered and things were never the same. After that the annoying chronic illnesses went deeper, right into the organs that allow us to thrive. For the next seven years I suffered from a mysterious gastrointestinal disorder. I could barely eat. A part of my small intestine (we could see on the x-ray) had virtually shut down. In addition to that, my liver enzymes were skyrocketing, who knew why?

As the years dragged on my condition continued to defy medical knowledge. No one could find a cure for the host of food allergies I developed, the nausea, the cramping, the bloating; the incredible permeability of my gut that allowed no uptake of nutrients. I ate, and my body retained nothing. I was put on seventeen vitamins and supplements and prescription medications designed to nourish me and digest my food for me, and still, my calcium and magnesium remained dangerously low. My liver enzymes soared worrisomely high. Vitamin B counts barely made it onto the charts. I was at the borderline of anemia. My hair thinned. Test after test returned and now there were two kinds of bad news. The first, was some concrete problem. The second, was no problem at all, which meant there was nothing to cure although the problems persisted. Regardless of the hundred tests I was subjected to, I found no one to fix the systematic disintegration that brought my life down to a focus on calorie counting and wishful thinking. I was a medical anomaly, alone, a freak. Again.

The Veterans Forum: My PTSD Radio Interview

Hello, Readers! Today marks my internet radio debut on Passionate Internet Radio Voices (PIVTR). I’ll be the featured guest on E. Everett McFall’s internet radio talk show, THE VETERANS FORUM. Join us today for a positive, proactive discussion about coping with and healing PTSD. Topics will include:

-- Educating sufferers, caregivers and careproviders about PTSD
-- Building a PTSD resource community
-- Necessity of sufferers participating in the healing process
-- Constructing a post-trauma identity
-- Committing to the pursuit of joy
-- Benefits of hypnotherapy
-- Living a joyful, PTSD-free life

The show airs live from 3:30 – 5:30pm EST, and can be downloaded at any time via the November 12 link on the PIVTR website.

To listen live: http://www.pivtr.com/

To download later: http://www.internetvoicesradio.com/Arch-Everett.htm

We will be taking on-air callers. If you wish to participate in the show, you may phone in toll-free at: 1866-977-4887.

I hope you'll call in and talk to us about bridging the gap between PTSD and a joyful life!

Veterans & Combat-Related PTSD

Since today is Veterans Day, it seems appropriate for this post to be about veterans only, to thank you for your service on the field, and honor your continued presence here at home.

At a bridal shower this past weekend I met Becky, a vet who had been a nurse in Vietnam. We spoke at length about PTSD and the lack of public knowledge and awareness. We also spoke about how universal is ‘The PTSD Experience’. And we discussed something else that really shocked me to read recently, which is this:

"the V.A. requires that a Veteran has achieved one of several service ribbons in order to get PTSD benefits i.e. the Combat Action ribbon, Combat Infantry badge, Purple Heart, Bronze Star with V to name a few. However, for those that don't merit such an award by the military’s standards they are doomed to have to reconstruct their in-war stressor to prove they witnessed a horrific sight or came under fire."

This hardly seems fair. As all of us PTSD sufferers know, a trauma can be subtle, almost invisible to the human eye in some cases. To send our men and women into battle and not offer them equal support when they get home as we should be giving them on the battlefield is a horrible way to thank them for risking their lives. To demand that they prove they have been traumatized is criminal and ridiculous.

I was encouraged this morning to hear on the news about RESET, a new program being implemented by the military to offer psychological readjustment programs to returning soldiers and their families. Does anyone have info on this? I can’t find anything concrete and would like to know more. As we’ve all experienced, during trauma we do what we must to survive, but the cost of that to us afterward can be almost (if not more) psychologically damaging than the original trauma itself. Developing a program to directly address this issue would be of great benefit to military personnel as well as their families.

Finally, combat-related PTSD is getting a little bit more exposure, and from sources that could really help sufferers. Our new president elect, Barack Obama, was the co-author of a 2007 letter to Secretary Gates requesting an accounting from the Dept. of Defense on the number of psychological injuries sustained by service members since October 2001 and how the military reports on and invests in treating these less visible psychological injuries. The letter specifically mentions PTSD. The full text may be found here:

http://obama.senate.gov/press/071023-obama_bond_dema/

In the past year alone there have been several reports that diagnosed military PTSD cases jumped significantly, as much as 50% – that’s over 40,000 newly diagnosed military personnel, and that’s only reported cases. Here are links to 2 articles on this topic from May 2008:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24842653/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/05/27/wartime-ptsd-cases-jumped_n_103779.html

Finally, Dr. Matthew Tull wrote a brief but good recently historical overview about PTSD in the military. Click here to view:

http://ptsd.about.com/od/prevalence/a/MilitaryPTSD.htm

As I read these articles I’m wondering how military personnel feel about the care they receive, and also, how they feel about the experience of PTSD itself. Do they feel differently than we civilians do? It must be so difficult to survive the theater of war and the power of the enemy, only to return home and be undone by the power of your own mind. If any vets are willing to share their thoughts, please email me anytime.

Recently, I accepted an invitation to join the creative team of a new PTSD organization: Dream Peace Foundation. Launching in January 2009, the mission of this organization is the same as mine: to spread the word that PTSD is eminently treatable. I’ll write more on Dream Peace when it actually gets off the ground. For now, I’ll just add that a large part of its focus is to reach out to vets with combat-related PTSD. I’m hoping that some of our advocacy work will eventually include breaking the barriers to all military sufferers, regardless of whether or not their stressor meets military standards.

Tomorrow I’ll be the featured guest on E. Everett McFall’s internet radio talk show, THE VETERAN’S FORUM. We'll be discussing healing PTSD. The show airs live from 3:30 – 5:30pm EST, and can be downloaded at any time via the November 12 link on Passionate Internet Radio Voices (PIVTR).

To listen live: http://www.pivtr.com/

To download later: http://www.internetvoicesradio.com/Arch-Everett.htm

We have a lot of work to do, my fellow survivors! In order for us all to get the care we need and work our way toward a trauma/PTSD-free life, it’s imperative that we begin using our suffering toward a better end. We can do this by uniting together, whether through public organizations or our personal actions within our own worlds – or both! What can you do today?